Favorite UFL Team Just Got More Bengal-y

Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble
IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the eighteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

August 13, 2009

Favorite UFL Team Just Got More Bengal-y

Back in June, I declared my love for the UFL's as-yet-unnamed Orlando franchise. Now, they have a name. The Orlando Tuskers. Also, they added another ex-Bengal, and this one's a doozy. PFT is reporting that former Bengal great Odell Thurman is joining the Tuskers. The Bengals' king of DUI arrests, rumors of meth addiction, shady hometown beat-downs and season crushing suspensions will join Chunk and the gang for what looks to be the UFL's best team (they have Mike Vick's rights should he have to go that route).

Anybody else waiting for the emotional practice reunion when Thurman gets his hands on Chris Perry? I've always wondered what happened if a completely stoppable object met an irresistibly drunken force. With any luck, we're about to find out.

Posted by Showtime on August 13, 2009 at 05:04 PM in Chunk | Permalink

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I wonder how hard it will be to get an Odell Thurman Husker's jersey. Who dey think gonna beat dem huskers?

Posted by: Rich | August 16, 2009 at 11:01 AM

The NFL is dead to me. I worship the UFL now.

GO TUSKERS!

Posted by: will | August 13, 2009 at 10:20 PM

Don't you love how the league's motto is 'Where the future stars come to play'

Posted by: Sheesh | August 13, 2009 at 06:48 PM

I have said this before and I will say it again. I thought the UFL was supposed to be a developmental league?! No?!

Posted by: Jordan | August 13, 2009 at 06:47 PM

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Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

18 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

.349 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (101-187-1 in 18 seasons)

19-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30	31

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August 13, 2009

Favorite UFL Team Just Got More Bengal-y

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