The Bengals are Number 1!!!

That's right.  You heard correctly.  The Bengals are number 1.  No, no, you haven't been in a coma for the past year and missed the entire 2009-2010 NFL season, Mikey Boy Brown hasn't changed any of his ways, and the Bengals have not won the Super Bowl.  Then how are they number 1???

Well, a few days ago, ESPN writer Paul Lukas published his Uni-Watch column and this month, the title was Uni Watch: Operation overhaul.  If you don't feel like reading the column (and I don't blame you) Lukas and associates created the S.U.C.K index, in which they rank all of the uniforms for the major sports teams.  The S.U.C.K index provided the top 10 WORST uniforms in sports, or the ones which are most desperate for an overhaul.  The top 10 worst uniforms/need the biggest overhaul in sports are:

10. New Jersey Nets
9. Buffalo Sabres
8. Golden State Warriors
7. Washington Nationals
6. Toronto Blue Jays
5. Chicago White Sox
4. Buffalo Bills (apparently this guy hates the city of Buffalo)
3. Sacramento Kings
2. Jacksonville Jaguars

and...buh duh duh duh...you guessed it
1.  Cincinnati Bengals

Here is what Lukas had to say about the black and orange unis.

"Quick quiz: Which guy in this photo looks like a football player, and which ones look like clowns? The Bengals have been such a visual minefield for so long now that Uni Watch has gotten in the habit of using the term "Bengalian" to describe other bad uni designs (as in "It's a disaster of Bengalian proportions"). Where shall we start -- the white side panels? The inexplicable white hip stripes? The endless mix-and-match alternate uni disasters? And here's a thought: After more than 40 years, zero Super Bowl victories, and endless snickering, shouldn't this team finally get a decent helmet design? S.U.C.K.itude: 38 out of 40.So there you have it, the S.U.C.K.iest team in pro sports, your Cincinnati Bengals. Or at least that's Uni Watch's take"

Soooooorry Mr. Lukas.  I forgot we were talking about a black-tie event and not a professional football game.  If I am not mistaken, wasn't Chad Johnson's jersey one of the top selling jerseys in any sport for multiple years in a row?  Apparently a few people liked it.  In his article he compares all of the teams on the list above to the Cleveland Cavs.  When they drafted Lebron James, they revamped their unis to show that they were ushering in a new era.  Well...when the Bengals drafted a certain Mr. Carson Palmer, they did the same thing.  In 2004, (see here) they changed their unis to a brighter orange and different design.  People from Cincinnati and around the country loved them.  The team had a new coach, new stud QB, they started to win games, made the playoffs...and then started losing games..but we're getting off topic.  The point is, we here at WDR have discussed this long and hard, and we disagree with Lukas' statements.

We actually like the uniforms.  Sure they are bright, but they stand out and are unique.  Of course there is some side paneling where a color is just kind of thrown in, but why be boring when you can be bold?  And yes, there are three colors (orange, black, and white) but when you have such great color choices, why waste space instead of using the whole surface of the jersey?  Maybe it confuses the other teams?  Who knows, it worked for like 3 years.

Now in regards to his statement on the helmet.  WDR vehemently disagrees.  We feel that the stripped helmets are one of the best in the league.  We have also chose to use the term "awesomest" to describe the helmets.  Orange and black.  Come on, those helmets are pretty sweet.

So Paul Lukas, thank you for the kind words about calling us number 1, but we have to respectfully decline the award.  Although the black and orange might be a bit different than the boring Giants, Redskins, or the Browns, you know what they say, in order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.

Viva la revolucion

On another note, I have to call out Paul Lukas for being a putz.  When he talks about the mix-and-match uniforms in his article he uses a picture of Carson Palmer to state his point.  When you click the link, it takes you to a web page of Carson getting hit in the left knee by number 67 of the pittsburgh steelers, kimo von duschbag.  Really?  That is the picture you have to show?  On a scale of 1-10, Mr. Lukas has just scored an 11 on the "being a Putz" scale

Comments

[i had likely to beat them to death with their own shoes...]

it always amazes me that people dump on the striped helmets...we're the bloody bengal tigers - what else would we have? there's a lot to be legitimately upset about with the bengals, and i often disagree with wdr on what that actually is, but i'm with them on the fact that the unis are no way on the list. that being said, i do like the old vintage ones that just say 'bengals' on the helmet, and one alternate option that could be really love/hate (and promote another cincy institution) would be a 'white bengal tiger' uni...all white and black (could do without the light blue highlights though)...maybe we could even get sigfried and what's left of roy (or is that the other way around) to be guest ben-gals...

[wydren]

I actually think our uniforms are the best in the league. Beats the same drab color scheme being used by almost every other team in the league. Paul Lukas must really like conformity and abhor uniqueness.

[boriskat]

Oh come on, did you really have to include the picture of Carson being taken out by Von-what's-his-face? Ow.

[Ben]

The striped helmets ARE the Cincinnati Bengals. Through no fault of their own, that means they are synonymous with Mike Brown's 18 years of SUCK (no that's not a clever acronym referring to something lame like how uniforms look but a word describing how the team has performed in actual football games). When Paul Brown wanted to get involved with football again, he took the exact same shade of orange from the franchise that bears his name and added slick black tiger stripes to make the helmet that has been in use throughout the franchise's history. I did a similar thing when my friend, a Browns fan, forced me to drink beer out of a pint glass with a Browns helmet, using a Sharpie marker to add the trademark stripes so that I now had an acceptable drinking vessel. The helmets are indeed the awesomest, and if our franchise ever considered changing them it would be a huge mistake and I would be violently opposed. Paul Lukas, you are the SUCK (also not an acronym).

[braveduck]

I couldn't agree more. I love the stripes. I too have also fantasized going all black with white stripes. It would at least LOOK incredibly menacing.

[Jeff]

I too agree with WDR on the uni issue. I have always said that even though I might be a little biased I thought the Bengals Unis were among the best in the league. Striped helmet and all. I have defended this unsuccessfully with my Browns supporting cast of friends multiple times.

[Leo deTrotskyo]

Ben,

The striped helmet has not been in use "throughout the franchise's history". That said, I do like the stripes much more than the original (and very plain) helmet.

However, I would like the team to drop the orange alternate jersey, so that they can wear a throwback 80s-style jersey as their alternate (the NFL restricts each team to three jersey styles a year). When the NFL celebrated the AFL last year, the Bengals apparently did not participate. Also, it would help the rest of the league remember a time when the team was one to be feared.

[Matt]

I too, love our teams uniform. I'm actually pretty happy to see Lukas write this article, because it cements the fact that our uniforms wont change, simply because Mikey might read this article and get stubborn on this issue as well.

[SM]

Two words: powder orange. Like the Chargers' powder blue. We need a lighter color orange on the helmets/uniforms. The orange they use is too dark. But screw anyone who doesn't like the striped helmets--they are the bomb.

[AJ]

I'm with you on the Chargers look, although we kind of get that with the orange jerseys and white pants. Personally, I love the uniforms, just as long as they don't go all orange. The did in one game, and Sam Adams looked like a massive pumpkin.

In terms of ugly uniforms, that list is downright bad, by which it misses the mark by a lot. the Jaguars unis? They look just fine to me. Try look at the Atlanta Thrashers uniforms, or maybe the Minnesota Wild - those are ugly. This guy has no clue. He even mentions the freaking white sox. white with black pinstripes to gaudy? If that's his logic, the Yankees should be right behind him.

As for the Bengals, the only big grip I have with their uniforms is that their 40th year came and went without a single game played in throwbacks. That would have been sweet (although Mikey would have had to drop cash in a new set of uniforms)

[fulton]

i agree... id be devastated if they changed the striped helmets. i love the uni's too.

[john]

I don't really give a damn about the NFL, but the Bengals have badass unis. Dig that helmet.

[steve]

You could reverse the bengals helmets to look cool.How about black helmets and orange stripes instead of the reverse.

[BengalAnthony13]

I'd totally be bummed if they ever changed the helmets. I do wonder, though, what the helmets would look like if the colors were maybe reversed? Black helmet with orange stripes? I realize that that's not the true color scheme of a tiger, but it would be interesting to see. I'm not really a fan of the "B" logo--I prefer the tiger face. Regardless, way, this guy Lukas is a complete dope--the Bengals unis rock. He mistakenly equates their failure to having ugly uniforms.

[Jamey]

I like Lukas's site and Esspen column, but with his Barney Fife neck and close-cropped facial mullet, he looks like a child molester from After School Special central casting.

[WCH]

I hope they change the uniforms just for the sake of finding the toolbags out there that lambaste the Bengals one second but merely by a uniform change (like these same toolbags did when they adopted the orange jersey!!!) they jump back on the fan base!

BTW, Jacksonville is number 2 for a reason... it is just about impossible to put a 'cat based team' uniform out there that is actually innovative and cool. The Bengals certainly did that in 1981, but now people are piling on -- not because of the uni but because they aren't winning -- another sign of 'toolbagness!'

[Whit]

I like the helmet but pants and jersey are horrible.

[bengal 1]

Worst uni's ....wait for it .....the go to hell STEELERS..... yyuck .. i just puked a little!

[Wyatt]

I'd actually put the Bengals at first or second on the best uniforms list (I'm very partial to the Atlanta Falcons uniforms, and that they, like the Bengals, have an alternate color scheme without a throwback). I like the orange jerseys (I own three of them), and while I wouldn't mind seeing the throwbacks every few years (that way I could bust out my barely-fitting Ickey Woods jersey), I like that when they updated the uniforms when Carson arrived, they went entirely new (not unlike the aforementioned Falcons).