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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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July 15, 2009

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Sleeping With Bieniemy, I nominate you for the WDR Outstanding Presentation Award for 2009 !!

If this were the Science Fair to Demonstrate the Ineptitude of Mike Brown... I'd give your statistical study first place.


I think this presentation should be shown at all business meetings, city council meetings, and
court hearings in the greater Cincinnati area...everyone have a seat, hit the lights please, and we'll begin

I wonder if all on this website are aware that while funny (and possibly true), this kind of thing just takes away from the seriousness of the goal of this website?

MY COMMENT, PART 1:

First of all, charts rule.

WCH, I think I understand your point. You are correct that WDR must prioritize credibility to achieve its goals. As agents of the anti-establishment, WDR is at constant risk of marginalization. Therefore, to be heard, WDR would be wise to maintain a spirit of integrity just as strong as its spirit of rebellion. So you are right to caution against letting the fun of (well-deserved) jokes/flaming/complaining to distract from being legitimate messengers of change.

However, I would also say this: (continues below)

MY COMMENT, PART 2:

(continued from above)

However, I would also say this:

1.) The goal of the WDR movement is change.

2.) To achieve change, WDR must generate attention.

3.) For the WDR website (the flagship component of the WDR movement), generating attention means generating an audience -- both maintaining its current audience and attracting new audience.

(continues below)

MY COMMENT, PART 3:

(continued from above)

4.) To generate that audience, this site must provide valuable things. Humor is entertaining, and commiseration is reassuring. Both are important elements for embattled Bengals fans, just to help keep us sane. So those are things that help make this site "sticky" for return traffic. Those are things that help make this site a destination in the Bengalverse. Indeed, comedy is one of the prime pieces of value this site offers. (And it's a type of value that can simply be provided more frequently/easily than the important media-jamming/PR efforts.) Therefore, to generate its audience -- a requisite for success -- this website needs to provide some humor and some commiseration.

(continues below)

MY COMMENT, PART 4:

(continued from above)

It seems to me that the Founding Comrades realize this irony: to be taken seriously, the revolution can't appear to take itself TOO seriously. This revolution is fun, starting with its Che-style logo. This site's posts are fun. The protests and stunts it organizes are fun. We are football fans, and football at its core is fun. (Or so I'm told!)

In conclusion, this site, while passionate, must to some extent be carried out in a spirit of fun. Otherwise we risk losing the forest for the trees. This site is many things, but it is definitely FUN. It should be. It's one of the reasons I'm always coming back. This revolution's ability to have fun in many ways its strength.

Indeed, Slush, you've probably given it more thought that we have but your comments sound about right.

Sure, this post is tongue-in-cheek and the "% control" stat is just made up. But I dare anyone to make the case that the post isn't an accurate reflection of reality for the Bengals.

hahaha.... awesome

The comments to this entry are closed.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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