Have you heard about this UFL thing? Chunk Bresahan has. He's the defensive coordinator for the Orlando franchise. Actually, check that. Just like the old days, he's the defensive coordinator for my favorite team. Only the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion is going to end worse than Chunk and me getting back together.
You may be asking, "Why would anyone subject themselves to Chunk's defensive wizardry again if they don't have to?" My answer? Look at that roster! I count no less than five fewer Bengals folks. Running them down, in order of my least favorite to most favorite:
- TJ Wright - You probably don't remember him, as he was just a practice squad player who never dressed for a game, but he still counts in my book.
- Anthony Schlegel - I think he was one of the two linebackers who finished the game against New England in 2007. He owes AJ Hawk for what little pro career he had.
- Mike Doss - Wasn't a Bengal for long, but he was a Bengal. I love him more for shooting guns randomly into the air and a story I heard about him making it rain at a Columbus bar.
- Quincy Wilson - He was the 10th of the Cincinnati Ten. Probably my favorite arrest of the bunch too. He was one of 13 arrested when police attempted to clear out a Huntington, WV bar after a wedding. Amongst the 13? The bride and groom. Sounds like the beginning to a bad Matt McConaughey/Sandra Bullock movie. Till Bail Do Us Part, perhaps?
- Chris Perry - All eyes will be on Chris. Will he be able to duplicate his 2008 season, which has been described as one of the worst seasons ever by a running back? That seems like a lot to ask of the man, but if anyone can do it, it's Chris "31 Inches, a Cloud of Dust, and a Fumble" Perry.
It looks like Chunk and the rest of the staff down in Orlando will have almost nothing to work with this year. That's OK though, I'm used to rooting for a loser.