Hobbsy has a brief recap up of stuff to take away from the Bengals minicamp. Some of it is amusing to say the least. I don't have to tell you though, look at the subtitle on the next line.
Offense heads to next Brat-o-sphere
If the next Brat-o-sphere is anything like the first one we are in for some wonderfully awful playcalling this year.
Bengals offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski didn't offer much about his new playbook.
I'm skeptical of there being a new playbook. If I know anything about Mike Brown and the Bengals, to save money, Brat probably used the old playbook and changed some of it with a red pen. Or he just got back to the basics and is running a Tecmo Superbowl Offense. The Boomer Esiason Flea Flicker was an effective play back then and it is an effective play now.
He's been saying since February that this is the most his offense has changed since Dick LeBeau brought him here after the '00 season of 00 points.
So the Bengals not only didn't score a single point in '00, they scored double zero points. It's these sorts of things that keep me entranced with Hob. A hundred years from now the robots will be looking at our old records and come across Hob's writing. It will make them short circuit and their whole network of information will collapse. Maybe Hob is John Connor's father?
Yet details are scarce and even if they weren't head coach Marvin Lewis's totalitarian regime would be in crackdown mode.
So let me get this straight. Even if the details weren't scarce, meaning they were plentiful, Marvin Lewis would be in crackdown mode? How does that make a scrap of sense?
Collins key player of training camp?
The coaches wanted second-year tackle Anthony Collins to keep a low profile this spring and he did exactly that. He lost his job at left tackle when Andrew Whitworth moved from left guard to left tackle, and the right tackle job went to Smith. So now he's quietly backing up both, although Bratkowski did mention a few weeks ago Collins has looked good as he moves around the line.
Now especially keep an eye on him with all the scuttlebutt that the Bengals are digging in for a long holdout with Smith, the sixth pick in the draft.
You hear that grinding sound? That's our running attack coming to a halt.
The club has certainly sent enough smoke signals to agent Alvin Keels that if he thinks they're going to get close to the $28.5 million guarantee of No. 5 Mark Sanchez and the more than 50 percent hike over last year's No. 5 slot, forget it.
As Henry Clay once said, "A great compromise is one where both sides come away dissatisfied." Obviously the Bengals should want to use any leverage they can to negotiate. But when you look at it, sooner or later both sides will have to come towards the middle to agree. Why can't it get done in a timely manner? Why do things have to drag out over days and weeks instead of hammering it down quickly?
Angst down on the corner
Last week defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer fretted that no one had stepped up this spring to be the third cornerback. On Saturday they went as far to work out veteran Travis Fisher during the final minicamp practice but chose not to sign him.
If Mike Zimmer is worried enough about the nickel slot to bring in Travis Fisher?? for a look see then I am also very worried about David "Physicality" Jones not being good enough.
Psssssssttttttt, over here, I have found secret (Brat's) squirrel's playbook.....
http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk215/jgang05/2.jpg
http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk215/jgang05/4.jpg
Posted by: TigerJ@w | June 23, 2009 at 05:38 PM
i missed 1st down and 3rd down is a mystery just like Brat and his new playbook...
http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk215/jgang05/1.jpg
Posted by: TigerJ@w | June 23, 2009 at 05:40 PM
It's hard to capture 3rd downs visually because all Brat calls is, "Go out there and get it done."
That's where Brian Leonard's grittiness factor comes in.
Posted by: Sly Vramavomovich | June 23, 2009 at 05:59 PM
its all up to punqsatawney phil, if he sees his reflection in chad johnson's grill...run the ball...if he doesnt...pass. how they figure out when to take a sack or throw the ball to the opposing defence is anybody's quess.
Posted by: williamsgevoort | June 23, 2009 at 07:05 PM
No, what they'll do first is directly *ask*
Punxatawney Phil if he has ever picked his feet in Poughkeepsie.
If he says 'yes', then they run the ball for a fumble.
If the P-Phil answers 'no', then they execute pass-play action for a sack or some other loss of down and six more weeks of winter and outrageously priced stadium food, that you could get a lot cheaper at Kroger's (where do you think Mike brown gets it?)
Posted by: Hofbraunow | June 23, 2009 at 11:50 PM
The new play book contains massive changes. MikeyBoy has single-handedly shifted the entire playbook paradigm. Mikey has discovered that X's and O's use way more ink than periods and commas. So, at the conclusion of the 2008 season the Bungholes contacted with AP, "Akili Publishing" to have new playbooks printed.
In addition to the new periods and commas, the old 20# white bond paper has been replaced with recycled Necco Wafer wrappings. The hard binding have been replaced with discarded material from Kentucky Fried Chicken boxes and the team's 40 year old 3-hole punch has been auctioned off and replaced with a guy named Murray who can punch perfectly round holes with a pencil.
Additionally, the oft-used "swing pass to the left", which Mr. Bratkowski likes to call on 3rd and 25 has been augmented with the new "swing pass to the right." Unconfirmed rumors persist that this new wrinkle might be accompanied by a play fake, adding some p'nash to it. I smell a stooperbowl.
Posted by: ItmightbeJB | June 24, 2009 at 09:25 AM
Hob implies that Brat knows a strategy other than run-run-pass-punt, shaken up with the occasional screen for 2-yard loss. I just can't bring myself to believe that.
Posted by: Major Payne | June 24, 2009 at 09:26 AM
I take great offense to that comment, Major Payne. Brat's offense isn't the traditional run-run-pass-punt. It's pass-run-pass-punt. Thanks.
Posted by: Showtime | June 24, 2009 at 10:28 AM
hofbraunow, you ruined my joke.
Also, Kroger's is far too expensive for Mike Brown. Try Aldi's, where hot dogs are 50 cents a dozen with a senior discount card. And no, he will not be paying for bags, that is why he brought along Bratkowski. Brat will carry his groceries to the car and then sit in the back seat with them so that they do not fly all over the place on the way to the stadium. He steals the condiments from various fast food places that he sees along the way (this is a task Chris Henry is especially good at, and it nearly makes up for his salary.)
Posted by: williamsgevoort | June 25, 2009 at 01:42 AM
Aldi's, lol, I've made a note, but still haven't visted there (out of necessity of course, as opposed to the Brownian obsession)...I heard all the aisles are blocked by stacks of pallets though (guess that keeps costs down somehow)...Maybe Brown should just scrap the entire o-line and just buy a few stacks of pallets...it might be cheaper, and Carson could even sort of look downfield through them...
Posted by: Hofbraunow | June 25, 2009 at 05:24 PM
ItmightbeJB: recycled Necco wafer wrappings...you mean the ones,
from the Necco wafers Brown gives to the rookies, and tells them to
'pretend it's Alka-Seltzer',
to get rid of any pregame 'jitters', and/or naive optimism?
(that's actually an umlaut above the "i" in "naive";
it's just the AP, Brown-approved font-version, which uses one dot instead of two,
in order to save bandwidth and/or ink )
Posted by: Hofbraunow | June 25, 2009 at 05:41 PM
Hofbraunow, you might win the employee suggestion award for that one. I hear the winner this month gets a warm can of Hudepohl.
Posted by: ItmightbeJB | June 25, 2009 at 10:22 PM
Dang, I was hoping for Bürger
Posted by: Hofbraunow | June 28, 2009 at 06:27 PM