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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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May 19, 2009

Chunk Lands on His Feet

Defensive wizard and all around genius Chunk Bresnahan used to be the defensive coordinator for Mike Brown's Bengals.  He was the innovator of the world famous "Cover None" defense, where cornerbacks would line up 11 yards off of the wide receiver and backpedal immediately at the snap.  Every single one of his blitz packages was copied and spread quickly through the league when they debuted around 1959.

His newest job, according to PFT, is linebackers coach for the Orlando Team to be Named later in the upcoming UFL.  What a horrible nickname!

That's right folks, this man went from running a defense for an alleged NFL team to a position coach for an upstart football league.  This is like being a going from a well-known porn star to being the 2nd lead in a low budget snuff film.  He ran the defense here only one year ago.

Posted by on May 19, 2009 at 12:14 PM in Chunk |

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The Bengals should have send Bratkowski to Orlando with him.

Posted by: Major Payne | May 19, 2009 at 02:38 PM

There's only one place Brat's going after this year and it rhymes with dead roach.

Posted by: Sly Vramavomovich | May 19, 2009 at 03:38 PM

I think Peter Warrick is on that squad. Glad the Bengals can fill Orlandos roster.

Posted by: Ejm1 | May 19, 2009 at 08:16 PM

Ejm1: you're in the right ballpark:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Warrick#Bloomington_Extreme

I kinda feel sorry for him and Akili.

Posted by: Scott Ricketts | May 20, 2009 at 12:03 AM

Hey Dave Shula went on to ... run a restaurant. So the Bengals have a history of hiring morons that nobody else would employ. Mike Brown is the biggest as*hole in America outside of the as*holes running Wall St.

Posted by: BenzooPeesOnMikeBrown | May 20, 2009 at 01:25 AM

Sly, that thought gives me shivers. Too bad Cleveland didn't steal him away.

Posted by: Major Payne | May 20, 2009 at 10:40 AM

My question is this a step down or a lateral move for Chuck? Are the bengals coaches one step away from Arena versus most coaches with tv or another pro gig or even a Division AA college team? Is there defense possibly as talented or better than ours, maybe? Do they have an indoor practice facility? He may have actually be better off there than with the Bengals. He may be coaching a winning team. Time will tell on that one.

Posted by: Tim | May 21, 2009 at 05:12 PM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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