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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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May 13, 2009

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And this fool wonders why we call him "Baghdad Hob."

"10:40 p.m. start in Anaheim"

I don't even have a joke here...I literally am trying to think what the hell this could mean?

Hell, I dont think 3/4 of Hob's readers have any F*ckin Clue what he talks about! Its way over my head thats for sure!

You know that for all of the Bengals immense wisdom, releasing Levi Jones before they signed Andre Smith was a pretty dumb move if for no other reason than HippopotaSmith has the Bengals in a stranglehold in negotiations now. With Levi off the roster, Andre knows he's only one on the roster that might be capable of playing EITHER tackle position. If I were him, I'd be asking for 1st overall pick money.

Yeah, couldn't believe I was actually reading that at the time. Then I remembered the source and the sorry track record of bringing in essential draft picks (excluding #1's overall) that we have, and it all made sense. If this guy doesn't come in early he will come in so overweight that he'll be useless until week 8 or 9.

Hobson's writing style might best be described as randomly incoherent, disconnected thoughts strung together without punctuation so as to cause your high school English teacher to wet her panties. I would very much like to know which journalism college he attended because his writing style disregards most rules of proper sentence structure.

He seems to pause in mid-thought to make superfluous detours in logic. This leaves me having to go back and re-read many of his sentences. It's just painful. He must be writing exactly what he's thinking in the order those thoughts occur to him. Sadly, it probably makes perfect sense to him.

ItmightbeJB,

Perhaps he writes in stream of consciousness style in tribute to James Joyce? Or because he hates his job, hates dealing with Bengals fans, who fall into the "blindly optimistic idiot" or "completely cynical asshole" categories almost exclusively, and does this as a way to punish them?

Or maybe he's just a horribly awkward writer. My money's on the latter, just wanted to throw some ideas out there.

I hate how Hobson ends certain articles with some attempt at a "cutesy" cliche or play on words.

He's at it again guys. Why in god's name does he keep talking about a "possible holdout?" This time the excuse is that it's because he's the 6th pick in the draft, and he goes on to talk about Smith not being a starter. I think we all see where this is going...

You can understand my complete confusion as to why anyone would defend this man's writing in any way.

He writes like a 50's beat poet. Which would be great if he wasn't a sports journalist.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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