Baghdad Hob Eyes Holdout

To expand upon Brosef's brief post yesterday...Buried deep in Baghdad Hob's most recent roster analysis, are four words that we already highlighted...and with good reason.  Leaving aside the rest of the contents of Baghdad's article, four words that appear under the Offensive Line heading jump off the page:

In the past the Bengals have usually kept nine. They need 3.5 tackles and 2.5 centers. The rest have to be able to play some combo of center, guard and tackle.

Much depends which tackle they make Smith. With a potential holdout and Whitworth and Collins both with snaps under the belt at left tackle, Smith could very well end up at right.

Did you see what he did there?  Did you see what he did there?  Tell me you saw it.  To my knowledge (which could be wrong), of the first round draft picks, only Matt Stafford has signed a deal.  Yet, Baghdad Hob just casually massages in "With a potential holdout."  Immediately after reading these four words, a headache ensued.  As one starts to feel good about the offseason moves that the Bengals have made, one has to start factoring in "a potential holdout" of the first round pick. 

Are any other clubs expecting a hold out on May 12, 2009, 4 months before the first game and 2 1/2 weeks after the NFL draft?  Wouldn't you just look at what the 6th overall pick got paid last year and prepare to pay slightly more?  Our line will likely have 2 rookies and a second year offensive tackle on it and Hobson has the Bengals already thinking holdout.  With this much youth on the line, the Bengals and Carson Palmer can't afford a holdout.  But one is introduced to us from the Bengals' in-house writer.  And it's the way that it's just casually dropped into the article with zero explanation as if to say, "Holdout?  It's no big deal.  We'll just put him at right tackle."  Knowing Baghdad and the Bengals, there's got to be more behind these four little words.  And then...Later last night, Baghdad expands on the matter-of-fact squib, as pointed out by Comrade Buck.  This is how Baghdad operates: (1) Learn of story; (2) Mention it in "Oh by the way" fashion causing reader to think "Did I just read that?" and/or "Why would he mention that?", and (3) expand upon it when it is pointed out by non-spinster media.

As punishment, WDR will point out a terrible opening line from a Baghdad Hob article that I once e-mailed to some friends.  For awhile, it became a great e-mail chain that pointed out the absurdity of Baghdad Hob's shit "creative" opening lines.  Eventually the pace at which the e-mail chain participants read Baghdad Hob's articles slowed drastically for fear of going blind.  Here is ridiculous opening line of a past Baghdad Hob article #1.  There are more in the reserve but right now, let's just go with one.  The below excerpt is from an article preceding last year's NFL draft where Hobson was mocking, apparently with March Madness on his mind.  Please note the catchy title "Mock Madness" and that Baghdad Hob had us drafting "????????????????????". 

It's finally happened.

The NFL mock drafts have now merged with the NCAA basketball pools.

So you may be asking yourself what happens if USC defensive tackle Sedrick Ellis is there with a ninth seed in the Midwest bracket, and the No. 5 seed Chiefs trade out of the East with No. 12 George Mason to take the Boise State tackle in a 10:40 p.m. start in Anaheim and the Ravens throw in Derrick Mason...?

Ladies and Gentlemen, that was actually professionally written.

Comments

[Julius Norman]

And this fool wonders why we call him "Baghdad Hob."

[Ghost of Boomer]

"10:40 p.m. start in Anaheim"

I don't even have a joke here...I literally am trying to think what the hell this could mean?

[Jordan]

Hell, I dont think 3/4 of Hob's readers have any F*ckin Clue what he talks about! Its way over my head thats for sure!

[Mike H]

You know that for all of the Bengals immense wisdom, releasing Levi Jones before they signed Andre Smith was a pretty dumb move if for no other reason than HippopotaSmith has the Bengals in a stranglehold in negotiations now. With Levi off the roster, Andre knows he's only one on the roster that might be capable of playing EITHER tackle position. If I were him, I'd be asking for 1st overall pick money.

[T]

Yeah, couldn't believe I was actually reading that at the time. Then I remembered the source and the sorry track record of bringing in essential draft picks (excluding #1's overall) that we have, and it all made sense. If this guy doesn't come in early he will come in so overweight that he'll be useless until week 8 or 9.

[ItmightbeJB]

Hobson's writing style might best be described as randomly incoherent, disconnected thoughts strung together without punctuation so as to cause your high school English teacher to wet her panties. I would very much like to know which journalism college he attended because his writing style disregards most rules of proper sentence structure.

He seems to pause in mid-thought to make superfluous detours in logic. This leaves me having to go back and re-read many of his sentences. It's just painful. He must be writing exactly what he's thinking in the order those thoughts occur to him. Sadly, it probably makes perfect sense to him.

[Wyatt]

ItmightbeJB,

Perhaps he writes in stream of consciousness style in tribute to James Joyce? Or because he hates his job, hates dealing with Bengals fans, who fall into the "blindly optimistic idiot" or "completely cynical asshole" categories almost exclusively, and does this as a way to punish them?

Or maybe he's just a horribly awkward writer. My money's on the latter, just wanted to throw some ideas out there.

[BengalAnthony13]

I hate how Hobson ends certain articles with some attempt at a "cutesy" cliche or play on words.

[T]

He's at it again guys. Why in god's name does he keep talking about a "possible holdout?" This time the excuse is that it's because he's the 6th pick in the draft, and he goes on to talk about Smith not being a starter. I think we all see where this is going...

[Mockenrue]

You can understand my complete confusion as to why anyone would defend this man's writing in any way.

[Danimal, Destroyer of Worlds, Eviscerator of Steeler Fans]

He writes like a 50's beat poet. Which would be great if he wasn't a sports journalist.