New Rules for Jersey Etiquette at a Bengals Game

From 2003 to 2008 (the first five years of the Marvin Lewis era in Cincinnati), it was a crime for a fan of Mike Brown's Bengals to wear the jersey of a Bengal player that isn't on the team anymore. Nor was it acceptable to wear personalized jerseys (and be over the age of 13) or to wear college gear. And the Bengals Pro Shop was a must pilgrimage for a Bengals fan at least once of twice during the year.

But now that Mike Brown's Bengals have not hired a GM, have not added any scouts, performed like a big pile of suck winning only four games (all meaningless), was the only team in the bottom ten in the NFL that did not make any coaching or management changes, Marvin Lewis chuckled and battled through every press conference expressing that he doesn't really care if there are fans, and the team used former Pittsburgh Steeler coach Bill Cowher's quote to entice Bengal fans into returning(this would be like having Jim Tressel write Michigan football's season ticket renewal letter); the need to wear the jersey of an active player has gone in reverse.

Let's take a look at the new rules for jersey etiquette at a Bengals game...

Rule #1 - Who's jersey should you wear?

Used to be...

Wearing a jersey of a Bengals that is no longer on the team was grounds for endless ridicule. If your guy left town, your jersey should have been lit of fire (failing a store offering 50% another jersey with a trade in - ah, in a perfect world). Wearing the jersey of an active player or Bengal legend was a must.

Is now...

Wearing a jersey of a Bengals that is no longer on the team is awesome. The older the better, the more random the better. The more tattered the jersey the better. The only true tule is that the random players should be from the Mike Brown era. Gus Frerotte, Neil O'Donnell, Jeff Blake, Carl Pickens, Corey Dillon, Neil Rackers, Darnay Scott, Jon Kitna, Jeff Query, Harold Green, Eric Steinbach, Willie Anderson, Deltha O'Neal, Madieu Williams, Akili Smith, Peter Warrick, Kelley Washington, David Pollack, Odell Thurman, Justin Smith, Kenny Irons, and David Klingler are all in play.

To review...

buying and wearing a brand new Keith Rivers jersey: waste of money; wearing a David Klingler jersey that you've had for years stuck in a drawer: AWESOME! Keep this in mind when Mike Brown let's Touraj Houshmandzadeh (aka The Hardest Man in Bengals history) walk in about two weeks.

Rule #2 - Personalized jersey ruling.

Used to be...

Wearing a personalized jersey (i.e. one with your name on it, or a phrase like "Who Dey Dude" on the back) and being over the age of 13 at the same time was grounds for public ridicule and heckling.

Is now...

Wearing a personalized jersey and being over the age of 13 at the same time is OK provided that the message you relay expresses displeasure in Mike Brown's Bengals. Some ideas could be: "Playoff Appearances" with the #1, "Wins in 2008" with the #4, "Hire a GM" and #09, or "Scouts not named Brown" and #2. 

To review...

Being 35 and wearing "Who Dey Dude" on the back of your custom jersey: waste of money and sad; Being any age and wearing "Wins in 2008" with the #4 on the back of the jersey: excellent freedom of speech statement.

Rule #3 - College gear ruling.

Used to be...

Wearing Ohio State, Kentucky, University of Cincinnati, or any other college gear was a ridiculous faux pas at Mike Brown's Bengals' games.

Is now...

still a ridiculous faux pas. Big boy football is played on Sundays. We know that Ohio State laid the wood to Youngstown State on Saturday, but c'mon...

To review...

wearing college gear to a Bengals game proves you are stupid and unaware. Would you wear Bengals gear to a Buckeyes game? No!

Rule #4 - Can you still buy Bengals gear?

Used to be...

Making a stop at Mike Brown's Bengals' pro shop was a must before, during, or after a game.

Is now...

This place should be avoided at all costs. In fact, a human chain should be blockading the entrances to prevent drunken, impulse, misguided, illogical purchases from this or any other Bengals merchandising retailer. If you want the same effect, flush your hard-earned money down the toilet.

To review...

Avoid the Bengals' pro shop and enjoy your vintage Bengals gear.

Exception...

If you find Bengals gear at a charitable store (i.e. Goodwill), that is OK to purchase. The money, in that case, would go to a good cause (and not to Mike Brown).

Rule #5 - What about those fortunate souls that were able to leave the Bengals for a decent franchise?

Used to be...

unheard of to wear the jersey of a former Bengal with their new team.

Is now...

Hilarious! Got a Browns Eric Steinbach jersey? Wear it. Ravens Willie Anderson jersey? Totally acceptable. 49ers Justin Smith jersey? Awesome! Vikings Madieu Williams jersey? No problem. Neil Rackers on the Cardinals? Funny! Wearing the jersey of TJ (wherever he lands) is OK!

To review...

Reminding the ownership of former Bengals players that seem to be doing well with other teams is a great fashion statement to point out that the Bengals could not get it right with a player and a competent team could.

Rule #6 - What about jersey altering?

Used to be...

You would see a cheap bastard wearing Chris Perry's #26 jersey and tape over the 6 with a 3 to make it current. Or tape over Takeo Spikes' name and replace it by writing "Thurman" over it. I have seen one creative soul tape over the "R. John" of a Rudi Johnson jersey and replace it with "C. Ben". The logic was that they had the same number. But either way, it looked REALLY dumb.

Is now...

OK. Want to make that Spikes/Thurman jersey last? Go ahead. Change Rudi Johnson to Cedric Benson? Great. EVEN BETTER, take your expired jersey (if you don't want to just wear it as is), and tape over the name and write a Mike Brown's Bengals related political statement. For example: "WhoDeyRevolution.com", "Hire a GM", "We wouldn't suck if we had more scouts", or "Project Mayhem," would all be acceptable jersey alterations. 

To review...

Exercise your freedom of speech in the stadium you helped to pay for!

Comments

[Randy]

Sweet now I can ressurect my Irons jersey and wear it in pride! LOL I always felt bad wearing that thing but I'm going to sport it proudly. I am definitely going to get a former Bengal player's jersey that's for another team now. I love that idea.

[Leo deTrotskyo]

The only jersey I have ever worn to PBS is a '80s-style #78. When people ask me why I don't own something more current, I tell them that I am 100% confident that Anthony Munoz will never do or say anything that would make me embarassed to be a Bengals fan, then I ask them if there is someone on the current roster who fits that description. Btw, my wife wears a '80s-vintage #7.

[BMN]

Not living in Cincinnati, I will probably end up at sports bars showing NFL games in the upcoming season. And I will probably cheer for the Bengals (if only for the players stuck there, not the woeful management). However, not only do I refuse to wear new Bengals gear, I refuse to wear Bengals gear period. From now on, the only shirt I wear is the "Mike Brown FAIL" shirt (or any variants thereof). If Mike Brown wants me to wear any Bengals' hat, jersey, shirt, jacket, etc., it's probably going to take nothing less than a Super Bowl......even then, I might still have to negotiate.

[Leo deTrotskyo]

Best altered jersey: the guy who taped over the first three letters of "THURMAN" and replaced it with "BEE".

[JMo]

I'm sorry, but I feel that Bengals fans in the new jerseys are tools. I can't believe we don't have more fans wearing the throwbacks. I get asked the same question. I have a Ken Anderson jersey 70's style, and I simply say, I won't be controlled by the biggest douchebag in Cincy.

[Chris]

I've been trying to locate an Akili Smith college jersey for years, It's good to know that if I do find one I have the revolutions blessings.

[Gary]

"OUT BROWN" #09 or any year number. There is also "BROWN STAIN" #18 for the years he's stain'd this franchise.

[Gary]

"OUT BROWN" #09 or any year number. There is also "BROWN STAIN" #18 for the years he's stain'd this franchise.

[captainb8]

Isn't rule #2 a violation of Project Mayhem Task 3...assuming one doesn't already have a personalized jersey reading "Hire a GM" or the like? I like the idea of the personalized jersey to make a statement, but if I were to purchase one I'd be disregarding the boycott.

[Sly Vramavomovich]

I wear my Freel jersey to all Bengals related events.

[WhoDeyFSU]

Woot! My Peter Warrick jersey is always sexy. I especially like to wear it to Dilliards. It's really a win-win for a FSU fan like me.

[Anthony Cosenza]

I'm thinking of finding a Reggie Rembert, Derrick Fenner, Garrison Hearst, Paul Justin, Michael Westbrook, Jay Schroeder, Damon Gibson or Craig Yeast jersey.

Another idea for jerseys to wear at PBS: Wear jerseys of players that the Bengals passed on that have been successful. Eagles' DeSean Jackson, Rams' Steven Jackson, Saints' Sedrick Ellis, Dolphins' Joey Porter, Jets' Derelle Revis would all work. I would say the Browns' Shaun Rodgers or Steelers' LaMarr Woodley but that would just be sacrilege and I'd feel like I'd need to take 8 consecutive showers after wearing them.

[Mockenrue]

My father has been known to wear his Carl Pickens jersey on game days...as we naturally watch from home, because who wants to buy tickets to go watch that garbage?

The Pickens jersey is clearly the cream of the crop. We are talking about a man who was not a bad player when he was here, and someone who was so disgusted with the Mike Brown way that he got a contract clause named after him before he parted ways. A clause that is the illegitimate love child of Mike Brown's ego and his paranoia.

Why buy custom when you can just find some cheap Pickens jersey lying around that says the same thing? "This team sucks, its management sucks, and I deserve better." Amen Carl, wherever you are.

[Daniel Venrick AKA the Danimal]

Speaking of players the bengals passed on, I'm either gonna get a jersey of Tomlinson or Adrian Peterson. Maybe I'll get a Haynesworth jersey, just because I have a bad feeling Mike Brown will pass him up.

Lastly. Anyone who wears an Eric Ghiacuc jersey is lame. As far as I know, Ghiacuc is the only person I've seen wear his jersey. He better stay unsigned. Or I will root for a different team. The 18 years under Brown have been a disaster.

I have a backup team to support if Ghiacuc does get resigned
I've narrowed it down to one choice based on these factors:
Not an AFC North Team.
Not a team in any state that borders Ohio.
Is a team that plays in the state I was born in.
Is not the Patriots, Cowboys, or either Jersey team(which is allegedly NY)
Is definitely not the 49ers.
Hint: When the _____ come marching in

That's just theoretical. But seriously. Ghiacuc better stay unsigned. I applaud whoever originally posted that.

I think Ghiacuc should be one of WDR's enemies, along with Cowher, Montana, Hines, Kimo, MBB, Big Ben, John Taylor, Clark, Steelers, Browns, Ravens...etc

[Flash]

I will never stop wearing my Boomer #7...

Unless someone has a Tremaine Mack jersey for sale.

[Ryan Smith]

I completely agree with this, yet am at a loss about what to do with my TJ jersey next year when he's playing for a better team. Although I guess now it's considered chic to wear Mike Brown's failures on your back. Could that be a potential jersey? The name could say "Mike Brown's Failures" and you could get a number 8, remove it and sew it back on horizontally.

[Chaz]

I think wearing pre-owned TJ jerseys should be mandatory for all owners - last year, this year, and forever.

...Unless of course you own a #4 'wins in 08' jersey

[ToledoDouche]

I have an oddball collection of 1st "round draft busts" that I cherish...

Akili Smith
Dan Wilkinson
Kajana Carter
David Klingler

All framed and in my moronic Bengals shrine. Yes, I am a Douche.

[Chaz]

What's the ruling on chinese knock offs? It's bengals gear of which not a penny goes to Mike Brown.

Here's the link: http://www.jersey-china.com/products.asp?id=s473

[Andy Kulina]

I have the rarest of rare, purchased at Kochs: A game warn, Turk Schonert Jersey. Yes, I am going down to the Waterfront as soon as I drop my clipboard on Sunday!

[Travis Traucht]

I own the following jerseys:

First the jerseys I have deemed unfit to wear:
Old Chad - wont wear because of his ass-hattery last off season
New Chad - ditto
Odell - I may play the role of a drunkard while at PBS, but you wont see me getting a DUI.
Rudi - My dog gets to wear this one.

Now the one jersey that I will wear with pride:
Chris Henry - I know what you are thinking, how can he take exception with Odell's stupidity and not care about the rap sheet of "Slim 15". Well, here is the catch. Its a personalized jersey. #15 with "Thug Life" on the name plate. I even yell out 2-Pac's infamous Thuuuuuuuuuug Liiiiiiiife! whenever the opportunity presents.

The dude keeps it real, and therefore, I must represent, yo. I was worried that after the last last last straw that my purchase would go wasted, much like 90% of all of the first round choice jerseys. Thankfully Mikey gave me another entire season of use out of it when he undercut Mr Nervous Laugh.

If Mikey embraces ghetto, it is my duty to follow suit. I constantly get compliments on it and it is easily the most fitting jersey of my collection.

- Soon to be former ticket holder in section 124.

[Who Dey NYC]

I will be wearing T.J. Houshmandzadeh or Peter Warrick #80 for the forseeable future.

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