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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« In Other News | Main | Recession Causes Bengals to Save Money on Postage »

February 10, 2009

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On a semi-related note, indoor practice facilities are only for those fancy high schools like Massillon and scouting departments are needed to sell Thin Mints. Both are WAY too savvy.

You can bet MB is trying to figure out a way to make the city and taxpayers pick up the bill for an indoor practice facility. He's not going to spend his money on such a thing if he can weasle out of it.

It may seem like we're getting off the point talking about the indoor practice facility, but we're not. It's arguable whether practicing indoors during the winter helps or hurts the teams preparation: if the game is at home, I think they'd be better off practicing outside. At least they would have the option of practicing indoors to prepare for a warm weather/dome game, if they had an indoor facility.

Back to the point, what level of commitment does it convey to FAs who visit, often in Feb. and March, when they are given a tour and shown the practice field? I imagine much of the positive impressions of PBS are negated, making it more difficult to sign the FA.

We can only hope, Robinsgr, that Mikey has such a thought in his head. I haven't heard anything from the Bengals that they are even considering it.

Hilarious once again, thank you! Although, don't you think selling his 1984 Caprice to a high schooler for 4k this past year was pretty savvy? That stamp saving act was very savvy. Mike Brown is darn near savvy, I'd say. I'd like a T-shirt with his mug that says "SAVVY." for ironies sake.

Well, the Bengals did make a draft-day trade to pick Ki-Jana Carter.... The NYT article about the draft sounds like it could be a spoof on this site:

"We think it's a very good deal for us," said Mike Brown, the Bengals' general manager, who selected defensive tackle Dan Wilkinson with the No. 1 pick last year. "Ki-Jana Carter should be a player that will come in here and impact our team very quickly."

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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