The signs that you are a probably Bengals fan are similar to the signs that it is probably time for a new job (a la CareerBuilder)...
CareerBuilder's signs
1) If you hate going to work every day
2) You're co-workers don't respect you
3) You always wish you were somewhere else
4) You cry constantly
5) You daydream of punching small animals
6) You sit next to "this guy" (annoying laugh, in a speedo, picking his toes, and you wish he were dead)
Bengals fan signs
1) If you hate hearing the latest Bengals news every day (because it'll just piss you off)
2) You're team's owners don't respect you
3) You always wish the Bengals did something intelligent
4) You cry constantly
5) You daydream of punching small animals
6) You sit near "this guy" (30-year-old suit, moron, doesn't give interviews, and you wish he were dead)
The Bengals have decided to use their franchise tag on kicker (who can't reach the endzone on kickoffs or hit a field goal over 50 yards) Shayne Graham.
This proves everything that you could possibly want to know about the Bengals in exactly one situation. The team has a kicker in Shayne Graham who doesn't put kickoffs in the endzone, missed an extra point in 2006 that would have tied a game that - if the team won - would have put the Bengals in the playoffs and made free agents more interested in playing in Cincinnati, and hasn't hit a field goal over fifty yards since November 5, 2006. The team has a borderline Hall of Fame wide receiver in TJ Houshmandzadeh (a.k.a. Touraj the Hardest Man Alive) who AVERAGES (in the past five years) 89 catches per year, 1012 yards receiving, and 7 touchdowns.
You have the choice to keep one for a season (paying dearly for him, but you , who do you take? The Hardest Man Alive? Or a guy who couldn't kick a football in the endzone if he were standing on the opponent's ten-yard-line?
The Hardest Man Alive, right?
Not if you are Mike Brown. If you are Mike Brown, you woke up that morning, drank a cup filled of the tears of frustrated Bengals fans - or, "suckers", as Mike Brown calls us - (as per the daily routine), flipped on the 1951 black-and-white Philco television set to watch That's So Raven (and are thankful that you now have four more months to get that converter box dealie), and think, "Gee, do I spend $2.5 million on a football player? Or $8.9 million on another football player? Well THAT'S just easy. I'll spend $2.5 million in the first football player. $8.9 million is a lot of money for a football player. And they're all the same anyway." Then he eats his breakfast of Bengals fan sadness served in a bowl of failure.
Most teams flush kickers down the toilet (source needed) after their contracts run out. Dallas fires used kickers off a catapult into the Gulf of Mexico (source needed). But the Bengals overpay kickers that they perceive as good.
And this is everything you need to know about being a Bengals fan and why WDR exists.
That wasn't Graham's fault on that missed extra point against Denver in 2006. It was a botched snap/hold that wasn't even counted as an attempted kick. I think you are thinking of the missed FG at the end of regulation against the Steelers in that same season's finale that would have also sent us to the playoffs. But yes, this move has Mike Brown's Bungals written all over it. TJ has to be the happiest man in America this morning, and who can blame him?
Posted by: Bluto Chavez | February 17, 2009 at 08:47 AM
Who's excited about the draft!?!? *crickets*
Beanie Wells - It's going to happen. Can I buy a WDR logo knife on Look At Me to slit my wrists with?
Posted by: Steve | February 17, 2009 at 08:49 AM
I think we can officially say it now, Mike Brown has lost it. Something as pushed him over the edge. It's time to call the men with white suits to come take him away.
I am speechless, I am without speech.
Posted by: KY Bengal | February 17, 2009 at 08:52 AM
Yeah well John Thornton made a good assumption that we'll be drafting a WR for our 1st round pick. Yeah that sounds about right.
Posted by: Randy | February 17, 2009 at 09:00 AM
This just verifies what we already knew. MB is too stupid to do anything but run a fail-proof business his Daddy started and gave to him. In any other type of business, MB would be eating in soup lines and sleeping in doorways.
This move only confirms what we already knew - 2009 is going to be another losing season in a long line of losing seasons. How long before Carson is asking for a trade?
The only good that can come from this is the hope it drives more fans away and brings them to the revolution. Strange that he waited until the last minute to make this move - or is it? Remember, the deadline for renewing season tickets is.....
Posted by: Robinsgr | February 17, 2009 at 09:03 AM
T.J will never make the Hall, get real! Cris Carter hasn't made it and he is 2000 times better. I agree with the cause but don't make ludacris claims like this because its takes away from your credability. I feel T.J needs to be gone in order for things to get better. Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Whit | February 17, 2009 at 09:15 AM
2006 was Brad St. Louis's fault.
Shayne Graham is an awesome kicker and hardly ever misses. Only one time I can remember him missing a field goal that was his fault and the game didn't matter all that much.
However, I'd take TJ over Shayne any day
Posted by: K. Phelps | February 17, 2009 at 10:04 AM
The Bungles suck!
Posted by: Bomber Don | February 17, 2009 at 10:13 AM
Actually, K. Phelps, the game the week *after* St. Louis' faux pas was a game that mattered much. A lot much. Like "against the Steelers and a chance to send Cowher into retirement with a loss and to clinch a playoff spot" much. Just saying.
BMN
Posted by: BMN | February 17, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Do you think every morning when Mikey B wakes up, those guys from Men in Black show up at his door with their memory loss flashy things? Or is he just THAT STUPID? Oh yeah, it's Mike Brown.
Posted by: Ryan Smith | February 17, 2009 at 11:15 AM
T.J. is not "the hardest man alive". Does anyone remember his baby tirade in 2006 when the Bengals lost to the Ravens when he jettisoned his helmet twenty yards on the field? Look at the the lame comments he's been making. He doesn't want the tag and then gets pissed when someone else gets it. Also saying that he didn't show up to workouts because he was underpaid--ridiculous. Winners show up to practice, period. The Bengals dug their own grave with T.J. and Chad by making them and everyone else think that they were indispensable to the team. Marvin needs to reclaim the attitude that he had with Corey Dillon and Takeo Spikes--if you don't want to be here, there's the door. It's time this becomes Carson's team and not the other sideshow antics of these two dopes that seem to occur every offseason and permeate/ruin the following season. This move becomes a great one IF the Bengals go after quality free agents (RB Darren Sproles, LT Jordan Gross, etc.)
Posted by: BengalAnthony13 | February 17, 2009 at 01:26 PM
http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo91/Danimal1982/BigRed.jpg
If the link works, these two words sum up pretty well what has happened and what drafting Maclin would be.
Posted by: Daniel Venrick AKA the Danimal | February 17, 2009 at 11:40 PM
http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo91/Danimal1982/BigRed.jpg
This sums it up pretty well.
Posted by: Daniel Venrick AKA the Danimal | February 17, 2009 at 11:43 PM
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