Dipping into the reader mailbag, we receive a good question from Ken, a Bengals fan in California. Ken writes:
I am a douchebag.
I am a huge fan of your site and all that you are trying to accomplish. I am a California Bengal fan and have been since 1982. Having a son of my own, who is now 14, I have ensured the cycle of douchebagedness will continue into the next generation.
If I were to adhere to all objectives of your manifesto, am I able to travel to cities that my beloved Bengals play on the road? How does this impact "son of Paul" and the coffers of his family?...
Ken brings up an interesting point. As you probably know, we have launched Project Mayhem Task #8 calling for a Bengals' season ticket boycott. But with regard to road games, while revenue from club seats and suites are not shared with the NFL, revenue from ticket sales are. So a portion of the NFL revenue relating to ticket sales of other teams will indeed go to Mike Brown. Should that stop you from attending road games? Our answer is a qualified No...just don't go to really horrible games that aren't going to sell out anyway and be sure to spread the revolution while you're on the road. Before our critics cry hypocrisy, please consider a few things...
First, we are not trying to take down the rest of the NFL and any efforts we make to get people to stop going to games in other cities would be futile. I mean would we, as Bengal fans, factor in the financial effects of our opponent when considering whether to attend a game? We certainly would not. Plus can you imagine this, "Hey New York Jets fans...don't go to the Bengals vs. NY Jets game because our team really sucks and part of the money you spend on tickets will go to our horrible owner." Behavior like this might result in the NY Jets fireman going Patrick Bateman (or WT Steeler fan) on your ass. (Quick side note...I looked at our opponents for the 2009 season on Bengals.com to determine which team to use as an example. How quickly did they get the Bengals' 2008 season record and final AFC North standings off of the main page of the web site? Apparently, 4-11-1 didn't happen after all folks.)
Secondly, and somewhat related to the first point, it is highly unlikely that any road games a reasonable person would actually want to travel to will not sell out anyway. Next year, the Bengals play at Baltimore, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Green Bay, Minnesota, Oakland and New York. I, personally, will be either attending San Diego or Green Bay (depending on which way the schedule falls). Our guess is that most, if not all of the road games, will sell out. The Raiders game could be blacked out but if you visit there, you run the risk of traveling cross country only to get stabbed and/or watch a terrible football game between the Raiders and Bengals. And if it turns out that we are playing next year's version of the 2008 Detroit Lions or St. Louis Rams (who were both subject to regular season blackouts) on the road, we advise against going to such games because (a) you are about to drive 5+ hours, spend money on a hotel and tickets to witness an abortion, and (b) those extra tickets you're buying that no one else would buy if you hadn't gives Mike Brown revenue.
In WT layman's terms, it's also the funnest shit ever. Last year, Comrades Stalin and Buck met up with me in Dallas. The tailgate alone made the trip (in addition to the Texas state fair, a round of golf and a weekend full of alcohol consumption). Before we knew it, we had a crowd of 75+ people tailgating with us before the game.
We do realize that the "funnest shit ever" factor can't solely be relied on as that arguably would allow us to continue to purchase tickets for home games. More importantly...attending road games allows us to spread the word about WDR across the nation and bond with fellow die hard douche bags in commiseration. Normally, we are fairly limited to displays in the city of Cincinnati and the Internet. While we occasionally produce something that is picked up nationally, we should continue to use road games as opportunities to spread the revolution across the country. In Dallas, by merely talking with numerous Bengal fans and Cowboy fans at the tailgate, we were able to spread the word. Certain fans took it to a new level through direct communication with the Browns. We also launched a Project Mayhem Task in Indianapolis this year during our game against the Colts. While the game was not fun, the tailgating again was and we were able to spread our message further west.
So in sum, the position we endorse is: By all means, attend road games if you wish but avoid games that will not be sold out anyway and when you get there, spread the revolution. You certainly can count on a few massive tailgates at road games this year organized by WDR (as well as more Mayhem at those games).