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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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January 16, 2009


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Yes, our panel of judges hath spoken. Revolutionaries are encouraged to travel far and wide to spread the revolution.

As I understand the revenue sharing agreement, the visiting team gets 40% of the gate revenue.

Thus, when the Bengals are away, if you purchase a ticket for that game from the box office itself (not from ebay, stubhub, scalper or whatever) 40 cents of that dollar goes to the Bengals.

Considering the number of Bengals fans traveling to away games is small (in the hundreds and perhaps a few thousand total in any given year) and there is a high probability that those games will be sold out already...the effect of Bengals fans attending road games does not matter enough financially to impact the Bengals.

I'm a lifelong Bengals fan who grew up in the heart of the Evil Empire (about 35 miles north of Pittsburgh), but due to my job (Health and Safety for an environmental company), I travel all over the country. This past season, I was on hand in Giants Stadium for probably the best game the Bengals played all season, and I wouldn't pass up that opportunity again, especially since I bought my ticket from Stubhub.

The best part of the whole day? Either the fact that only one Giants fan in a stadium full of them told me I should just kill myself (while the Bengals were still winning!) or the guy with the Ocho Stinko sign (he made it onto the television broadcast SEVERAL times) asking me after the game what Chad had during the game.

Ocho Stinko Guy (OSG): What'd Ocho Stinko do? 3 receptions, 47 yards?
Me: What'd Plaxico do in the first four quarters? 2 receptions, 17 yards?
OSG: Your team lost!
Me: Nice comeback, douche.

(And, at that point, a bunch of Giants fans laughed and OSG slinked off, dejected.)

I went to both New York games this past year, and both Jets and Giants fans were very hospitable and friendly (maybe they were sympathetic to our plight?) I only ran into one or two jackasses who had any smartass remarks. A string of drunken profanities and insults shot that down (my friends' laughter helped as well).

Either way, don't boycott the away games. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean shit and its fun to go to different stadiums around the league. Instead hurt Mikey Boy's pockets at home.

Dallas fans were incredible to us...friendly, welcoming, sympathetic.

Seahawks fans (from the year before), surprisingly enough, are absolutely terrible.

Also, as a followup to my last post... going to away games and interacting with opposing fans in the stadium and in the parking lot is a great opportunity to spread the Gospel of the Revolution. Blow this shit up across the Nation. Testify!!!!

I have found most fans of other teams to be pretty cool about the Bengals. I live in DC and have gone to three Bengals-Ravens games, and the worst I ever got was a "Bengals suck," by a drunken guy as he sheepishly walked by and didn't look me in the face. Steelers fans talk a lot of shit, but generally, they don't do anything too bad.

Eagles fans are another story. They will literally assault you in their stadium. I was at an Eagles-Cowboys game in Phily three years ago, and a guy wearing a Cowboys' jersey was at one of the urinals: no joke, two Eagles fans come up on either side of him and dump their beers on him while he's taking a piss. I think he had his son with him, too. What a bunch of a-holes!! I've heard Pats fans (Boston in general) are pretty terrible, too.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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