The Super Bowl is the biggest sporting event in America. I would rank it below your average mid week ACC or Big East College Basketball game.
Blasphemy you say? The Super Bowl is no longer a "sporting event", it is now just an "event".
One caveat - Mike Brown do not take this article as a reason to try and NOT make the Super Bowl. As much as I hate the game, that can all be washed away if the Bengals play in said game. Yes, Mike it is legal for the Bengals to play in the Super Bowl.
Top 10 list, Letterman Style after the jump.
10. Commercials - What? The commercials are so funny. Some are, but who cares? I spend considerable effort every time I watch television to NOT watch commercials. 10 years ago watching the Super Bowl was required to see the funny commercials, but today with these "internets", you can watch every funny commercial a million times. Just click here. And the E Trade Monkey is my favorite.
9. The timing - I know NFL games are played on Sunday, but why does the Super Bowl have to be on a Sunday? I want to drink until I can tolerate talking to that guy at the party knows just as much about football as I know about ballet. It is tough to get buzzed/drunk/hammered (you pick) on a Sunday night and get up to go to work/school/unemployment line early the next morning. Move the game to Saturday. Oh you won't do it because...
8. On Site Super Bowl Parties - Stu Scott went to the Maxim Party!?! I don't care! Did I go to the Maxim Party? No, so I don't want to hear about sports journalists pretending people like them because they got to stand at the bar waiting for a drink next to Jessica Alba. It is not news to report on your personal life. Get one.
7. Media Day - Thank you for ruining my Tuesday.
6. On site shows - I really enjoy Mike and Mike. This week they have been intolerable. It is impossible to keep 4 hours of football interesting for 3 hours a day for an entire week. We get it, the Super Bowl is this weekend.
5. Super Bowl Parties - Big Daddy Drew of KSK and Deadspin fame penned what I would like to call the "Super Bowl Party Manifesto". Too bad no one follows them. If I want to go to a party where I pretend to like people while engaging in mindless small talk, I will go to a party. When there is a football game on, I do not want to engage in small talk. I do not want to talk to that guy who says, "So, the Steelers are good this year, huh?"
4. Heartburn - I get heartburn. TV Commercials tell me I have acid reflux. This Monday, I will have a case of heartburn that will last 48-72 hours. I may consume 10 bucks worth of Pepcid.
3. Pittsburgh - 5 rings. Kiss my ass.
2. United States Gambling Laws - I want to legally bet a sum on the game. Unless I am in the Great State of Nevada (I am not), this is illegal. I know there are a million ways to gamble, but I generally am a softie and do not think it is fun to bet a large sum of money with a friend. No matter what happens, one person wins and one person loses. I want everyone to win from the house, it is much more fun that way. Dear Congress, please legalize gambling on the Super Bowl.
1. Mike Brown - It all comes back to Mike Brown. The worst part of the Super Bowl is knowing that my favorite team has no chance of ever playing in this spectacular game for the foreseeable future. Mike Brown does not even care about the game. He just wants to "improve" or be "competitive". Mikey, in the words of the great Herman Edwards (please don't hire him), "You Play to WIN the game" If you own an NFL team and control every aspect of said team, you should spend every second of your life asking yourself, "Will this help my team win the Super Bowl." If the answer is YES, do it. Mike Brown does not think this way. It is our job, members of the Revolution to force Mike Brown to adopt our ideology. The goal of an NFL team is to win the Super Bowl. My goal this Sunday is to forget that my team may never play in this horrific spectacle of a game.