Since I can't force my mind to focus any energy on the current state of the Bengals( You know you've hit rock bottom when your dad has a running joke about switching his allegiance to the Browns), I figured I could put my prognosticatin shoes on and guess what kind of hijinx is going to ensue in the upcoming year.
Cedric Benson will be resigned to a long term deal because Mikey likes the way he sucks.
Chris Henry will go to jail for jumping on stage at the Aronoff and knifing a Shark during West Side Story. In court Henry will infamously say, "No one repeatedly snaps his fingers in my general direction without getting a taste of steel. He's lucky I didn't bust his whip up too."
Marvin Lewis will alternate between drinking away the pain and chuckling away the sorrows.
Mike Brown will trade Chad Johnson to the Redskins for a third round pick.
Housh will sign with a professional football organization and eventually get to win a ring. In his later years he will become a leading spokesman for the hair braiding industry.
Mike Brown will do some redeeming...of coupons at Krogers. Actually, everyone knows he shops at Thriftway.
Levi Jones changes his name to Bison Dele and disappears to Thailand. Joey Porter holds a press conference where he declares that he loves him and he only hit him because of how much he cared.
Carson Palmer is out for the year because he didn't get his surgery until the season is over.
Due to the failing economy, John Cooper is the only person in the Bengals scouting department not fired. The Bengals coincidentally draft LT Alex Boone* with the 2nd pick.
*Alex Boone will probably be a second day draft pick.
Shayne Graham will take his sequined jeans and strong leadership skills elsewhere.