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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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Oh god i hope Shayne doesn't leave.. hes the only bright spot on the team.

BTW, i hear that Carson is talking to the brown family about a trade to get him out of cincinnati, because he is unhappy with the origination, and the medical staff.

After Bussing's start this weekend, MB will claim that Miami Of Ohio is a football mecca and the Bengals first five draft picks will hail from there. And then MB will slash the scouting budget even further because the scouts can now just watch Miami, OSU and the Bearcats on TV. So no need to travel South, West or wherever else those perrenial college powerhouses are located.

Mike Brown will hold a press conference announcing his intention to hire a person to run the football operations, citing his leading candidate to be Bill Walsh because he's a "class act" that has ties to the organization. When told that Mr. Walsh had passed away recently, Mike Brown will wink and say..."awwww..I was just fucking with ya anyway."

The Monday two weeks after the Super Bowl, Mike Brown will hold a press conference announcing a major personnel decision. He will begin the press conference by saying that he sees the landscape of the NFL beginning to change, and that he's going to create a 'new' position in his front office that will revolutionize the management of NFL franchises everywhere, and that he will call the position, "supervisor of daily activities" or "General Manager" for short. He will then proceed to talk about the person whom he has selected that was previously a high-ranking official in another organization that he thinks is a model for other franchises. Mike then says, "Without further ado, I would like to introduce the next 'General Manager' of the Cincinnati Bengals, Mike Millen!"

Welcome to another 20 years of futility....

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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