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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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December 11, 2008

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"there are other issues going on in my life and my family's lives that are much more important than sitting around worrying about that sort of thing"

Wow. I suddenly have respect for Andy Reid. In the 2007 season he had to deal with both of his sons being sent to jail for charges relating to heroin and the Eagles still managed to finish the season 8-8.

Unless Brats wife is selling herself for crack, he needs to suck it up and accept responsibility.

If the issues in Brat's family are so serious that he can't do his job, he should step down. There are only 32 offensive coordinator jobs in the NFL, and at least 10-20 qualified candidates for each job who are willing to spend 100+ hours a week. This is where Mike Browns personal attachment to his staff hurts the team.

I was thinking along the lines of a Yugo!

So is there a rumor that the team might be moving??? If so, can I say something??? We might have another chance so if any stupid mothafucka steps up to some dias somewhere and screams out through 'puppy-dog tears': '...but we're gunna lose our team....' I want to use the quote of one Sheriif Buford T. Justice: "Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!"

This is new to you? Bratkowski has always sucked. And yeah you're looking at your new Head Coach. Mike always pulls some Cincinnati Bengals shenanigan shit from within HIS mis-organization.

I'd like to take note with Leroy Jenkins comments. There may be 32 assistants out there but see if those 32 want to come to the Bengals or will be inquired about by the Bengals. I thought so. A new manifesto is required and I put it up under "Mike Brown should sell the team or hire a competent General Manager".

Don't let the Bengals leave. Mike Brown threatened us with it when he wanted his new stadium. The truest fucking revenge would be to FORCE HIM OUT. Let them go be the Birmingham Inbreds or the Oklahoma Wheat Fields or San Antonio Gutter Swipes.

Oh yeah, and thanks to all the citizens of Cincinnati who caved because we'd be out so much money, jobs, national exposure, etc. if we didn't give Mike our corporate welfare stadium deal.

Happy?

You helped build a State Of The Art, Collossal monument to utter fucking failure.

Bob ShatCowskis Gameplan:

1st and 10: Throw a Wide reciver Screen that gets tipped by an end and falls incomplete.

2nd and 10: Run off tackle for a 4 yard loss when RB trips over Stacy Andrews who was on his back after an End windmil. Just after having narrowly avoided a backward falling Gaycheck who simply fell over his own feet looking for his blocking assignment.

3rd and 14: False Start

3rd and 19 (after burning a time out): Draw play to RB, who runs for 7 yards after QB just gets it handed to him before Gaychecks assignment almost takes the hand-off himself.

Punt

REPEAT

Tell me comrades, Shat can't handle this and his home life?

Let's see...third-and-23. What do I want to do here? Hhhmm...so much to choose from. Yes!! That's it.

Shovel pass.

To be fair - and I hate doing this more than anyone cause I thought Brat sucked even in 2005 - he meant something different when talking about family issues. He said he has more important things to worry about like family instead of worrying about whether or not he'll lose his job. He did not say worrying about his family was more important than doing his job. Just that he cannot worry about losing his job.

Of course, he doesn't do his job well so he should be worried about losing job. Sadly, he'll keep it or get promoted.

Jaso, do you even watch the Bengals games. If you did you would know that Bobby Boy hands the ball off every single first down play.

The shovel and the screen pass are two plays that define the stubborn do the same shit even though it never works attitude of the Bengals coaching and management.

In fairness to Brat, the OL has been dreadful all season and where is Paul Alexander, the assistant head coach, taking the heat? I think Brat was making a plea as they're overworked and need help. Brat to WDR, I say!

Towering genius disdains a beaten path. He seeks regions hitherto unexplored.  

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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