Mike Brown is NOT Doing a Heckuva Job

I am sure most of you have read Mike Brown's interview with Bengals.com writer Geoff Hobsen and Enquirer writer Mark Crunutte by now.  Comrade Buck has provided thoughtful analysis, but I just read through the entire transcript and two questions made me want to bang my head against the wall until I forget that I am a Bengals fan.  Mike Brown was asked if he was going to add to the personnel department or hire a GM.  Sounds exactly like Manifesto Point number 2.  I can think of a number of answers that I would be happy with.  I can also think of a number of predictable Mike Brown answers that would not make me want to injure myself.  However, after the jump, Mike Brown does none of the above.  When I think there is nothing that Mike Brown can do or say to make me question his competency any more, he does it.  Please, read on at your own Peril. 

Q: Do you have any plans to add to the personnel department?

MB: That's a little bit misunderstood. We have more people there than they seem to be able to count. Paul and Pete (Brown). Bill and Duke Tobin. For some reason they never count Bill. He covers the whole Southeast for us, and that's one of the most important areas we have. And we have Jim Lippincott and Greg Seamon.

It really is about the same number that a number of teams have. We get adequate information for college players.

I read last year one of the statistics that reflected the number of (drafted) players in the NFL by teams and we were in the top handful of teams. (Players that) had come through here. What that indicates is we're finding them.

WDR's take:  Where do I start?  First, you named SIX PEOPLE.  One is your son, one is your brother.  I am assuming they did not go through the same rigorous interview that most people do to get their jobs.  Then you mentioned Bill and Dick Tobin, also related (I assume).  You say people do not count Bill and that he covers the "whole Southeast" which is "one of the most important areas".  I live in the Southeast.  It is one big area.  There are ALOT of good college football teams.  There are 12-14 weeks of the College football season.  There is NO WAY that Bill Tobin is able to see EVERY team in the Southeast.  Maybe you should HIRE A SECOND PERSON TO SCOUT THE SOUTHEAST.  Why is that so hard?  It is one of your most important areas!!!! 

Are you telling me that our ONE Southeast scout watched Coastal Carolina play last year?  Our 2nd round draft pick was from Coastal Carolina.  If he did go to a Coastal Carolina game, why the hell is he not at one of the Bajillion awesome D 1A college teams in the Southeast.  If he did not see a Coastal Carolina game (99.99% true), you are telling me we drafted a player in the 2nd round, kind of a big deal, without having personally scouting him.  And you are telling me we DO NOT NEED MORE SCOUTS!!!!!

Next, you say we get "adequate information".  For the love of god, PLEASE do not strive to be adequate.  Is this too much to ask?  We joke about you striving for the Gentleman's C, but you just stated it.  If we are supposed to "build through the draft", why are we operating with adequate information?  I seriously question the sanity of Mike Brown when he says things like this. 

Next Mikey Boy was asked the ultimate question:

Q: Sounds like you're staying as GM. 

MB: I remember in the NFL when there were no general managers. Today a lot of teams don't have general managers. Who is the GM of the Dallas Cowboys? Everyone is in love with them. GMs all do different things with different teams. No two are the same. The answer to the general manager problem is the same answer that we have to have for all these criticisms. We have to win. When we manage to do that, we won't hear so much about this kind of talk

WDR's Take:  First, No one cares what the NFL was like when there were no general managers.  Team have GMs now.  There MIGHT be a reason why.  Players also used to not wear helmets.  That changed.  Remember when kickers used to toe bash the ball?  That changed too.  Things change Mikey, it is called progress.

Next, to one of the most asinine comments I have ever read in my life.  Who is the GM of the Dallas Cowboys?  Everyone is in love with them?  Dear god.  First I will answer you question.  Jerry Jones is GM and Owner of the Dallas Cowboys.  Oh My God, MIKEY, THAT IS JUST LIKE YOU.  You are just like JERRY JONES.  I am sorry, forgive everything I have said about you.  You are just doing what Jerry Jones does.  How can I question that?  You are so smart, you got me. 

First, the Cowboys are GOOD!  How do we know they are good?  They WIN FOOTBALL GAMES!!! Dear god, they even win SUPER BOWLS!  Do you know what the Super Bowl is?  It is where the two best teams play every year, and no there is not a rule prohibiting the Bengals from playing in the Super Bowl.  Your daddy did it.  That is why Jerry Jones being GM is fine, he WINS.  If you WIN, we don't care. 

Lets compare Mike Brown's Bengals with Jerry Jones' Cowboys?

Jerry Jones purchased the Cowboys in 1989 and fired legendary coach Tom Landry.  Mike Brown inherited the Bengals in 1991 and fired Sam Wyche...omg you guys are the same again!! 

In 1989 the Cowboys were 1-15.  Since Jones has taken over the team, the Cowboys have made the playoffs 11 times and won 3 Super Bowls.  They have also had six non winning seasons.

Since YOU took over the Bengals, you have been to the playoffs ONE time and have NEVER WON A PLAYOFF GAME.  In fact, you have only had ONE winning season. 

You and Jerry Jones are complete opposites.  Do not EVER compare yourself to Jerry Jones again.  Jerry Jones spends his OWN money on the team.  He is putting up 600 MILLION DOLLARS to build a new stadium, instead of getting the county to pay for everything.  He is also taking all cost over runs.  Mike Brown, you can run the team anyway you see fit.  It is YOUR team.  But never insult my intelligence the way you just have.  This interview may have been trying to quell the revolution, but you have just re affirmed my devotion to removing you from power.  VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!!

Comments

[Chairman Meow]

Dammit Leroy, my five dollar footlong just came back up after reliving that godforsaken interview.

[Who Che]

I just tried to cut my wrists after reading that. but instead of Bengals orange and black bleeding out (like the creepiest commercial on TV when dude bleeds Packer's green and yellow) It was Bearcat red... Then I thought to myself: "Self, that's not Bearcat red, that's actually blood." Then I realized. That's not my wrist. That's my manhood. Thanks for taking what little I had in life Mikey Boy.

[Who Dey NYC]

Amen brother. Stay tuned for me losing my shit when he compares us to the New York Giants.

[Tom]

Has anyone compared Mike Brown to a terrorist yet? Or is that over the line?

[Kid Evil]

Nobody has compared him to a terrorist yet, but I will compare us as fans to a battered woman. You see them on TV all the time they say things like "I know it is wrong the way he treats me, but I love him too much to leave, and someday I can change him so he won't abuse me any more" That sounds like us the Bengals fans!! Yes I do Feel Like A battered woman!

[The Real Tyke Beasly]

Listening to Sports Talk tonight, Paul Daugherty brought up a Mike Brown quote from 1991. Basically it said "Super Bowl teams don't make as much as you think. Because of revenue sharing etc. etc. they don't make that much. In fact they lose money because the next year they have to pay their players more for exceptional performance." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! Mike Brown basically admitting he doesn't want to go to a Super Bowl because it will cost him money. How can we let this miserly old coot continue to run our team?

[Flash]

The more Mike Brown talk...the more money goes to Clifton. The Bearcats would like to personally thank Mr. Brown and his PR people for helping their cause.

[Nathan Hale the Revolution]

If I were Jerry Jones I would be seriously considering a libel/slander lawsuit against Mikey Boy for that comparison.

[Joe]

A good point - I wonder what Jerry Jones would think of Mike Brown comparing himself and his franchise to Jones's management of the Dallas Cowboys, and their relative success.

Ask him!

http://www.dallascowboys.com/contact_us.cfm?cat=Mailbag

[g]

"The answer to the general manager problem is the same answer that we have to have for all these criticisms. We have to win. When we manage to do that, we won't hear so much about this kind of talk"

That's retarded. That's like driving your car without a steering wheel, and after repeatedly running off the road and hearing people say, "You need a goddam steering wheel," you reply, "You're only saying I need a steering wheel because I keep driving off the road. Once I manage to drive straight without one, you won't be saying that anymore."

[Scott Ricketts]

Fuck me running.

I still don't believe Chumley believes any of this. He gets up and says shit designed to piss us off and then laughs about it in his fucking mansion that no matter how badly he treats us, we will still keep coming back.

I'm looking forward to listening and not watching the Bengals at home next year. No way we get any home games on TV.