Mike Brown: A Massive Disappointment

As we have all read, Mike Brown described this Bengals' Season as a "massive disappointment."  Among the reasons that Mike Brown was massively disappointed?  In his own words:

The linebacker corps we thought that we would be playing with was (Keith) Rivers, Thurman and (David) Pollack. They are all gone, two for good.

Great point Mike, it's too....wait, WHAAAAAA?!?!?!  You are "massively disappointed" that Thurman and Pollack did not start this year?  2008?  Neither have seen the field for 2 years.  One was bad luck, the other high risk.  At any rate, the news of their absence may have been massively disappointing in 2006 but they qualify as an afterthought now (at most) and we have had time to replace the gap they left.

I knew Mikey was out of touch, but to invoke those two names when discussing this season is alarming.  Exactly how many years behind does Mike Brown operate?  Is this an issue in the rest of his life?  Does he react the same way to other things that haven't existed for years but that he expects to still be around?  I bet it goes something like this...

Mike Brown goes to buy a new Oldsmobile:

Mike Brown:  "Well, I've had this old motor carriage for about 30 years and it has 375k miles on it, I guess it's time for an upgrade.  You carrying the 2009 model of the Cutlass Supreme?"

Car Dealer:  "Uh, sir, that car ceased production in 1997."

Mike Brown:  "THAT IS MASSIVELY DISAPPOINTING."

Mike Brown decides it is time to buy a new suit:

Mike Brown:  "Damn, Katie and all these whipper snapper grandkids of mine done taken all my suits, well, I guess I gotta go get a few new ones.  Swallen's sells clothes at a big discount doesn't it?  Hey, Troy, how do you get to Swallen's again?"

Troy Blackburn:  "Swallen's went bankrupt in 1995, Mike, all the stores have been closed for well over a decade."

Mike Brown. "WELL THIS IS A MASSIVE DISAPPOINTMENT."

Mike Brown goes to Penn Station to order a Philly Cheesesteak:

Mike Brown:  "I'll take one LARGE Philly steak since LARGE is the best value for the dollar.  I learned that when I drafted Big Daddy...he was HUGE!  Also, I'll just take a cup for water from the fountain (fills up with Coke when cashier isn't looking).  I love how you guys grill up these sandwiches on that flat top.

Employee:  "Uh, sir, we phased out most of our grill stations years ago and replaced them with that toasting contraption over there."

Mike Brown:  "ONCE AGAIN, I AM MASSIVELY DISAPPOINTED*."

Employee:  "I hate everything that you stand for."

Of course, I am kidding.  Mike Brown would never buy a new car or new suits.

*I am actually massively disappointed Penn Station does not make their sandwiches like they used to.

Comments

[Leeroy Jenkins]

Mike Brown still orders the "Big and Tasty"

Mike Brown still tries to watch "Star 64"

Mike Brown is still stunned when he sees the "Fox 19, 10 O clock news". News is supposed to be on at 11.

[Kid Evil]

Somewhere Paul Brown is saying, I would love to leave the team to a son who knows how to run it.........Say it with me now.....What A Massive Dissapointment!

[Bearcatn8]

I think you guys are going about this all wrong. Why continue to attack Mike Brown - he clearly doesn't care what you say about him

Instead, how about you start mocking Katie Blackburn and the rest of the Brown clan. If I ran WDR, I would run a full exposition on each member of Bengals management. Mike Brown is clearly past the point where he can motivated to change through humiliation. His family on the other hand . . .

[Rowdy Cactus]

Mike Brown drove around town for hours in search of a Rax restaurant

Mike Brown wanted to expand scouting operations to include all Cincinnati Rockers home games

Mike Brown stated that it was a "massive disappointment" that the maneuver to cut Rudi Johnson in anticipation of Ki-Jana Carter's return to the field did not work as expected

[Brian Smith]

This post is a classic! I laughed until my sides hurt.

It's good to see some humor about this debacle.