In light of the Holiday Spirit, we at WDR are calling a Christmas Truce of sorts. Certainly our "truce" pales in comparison of that during the Christmas of 1914 between the Germans and Brits and I certainly don't anticipate getting out on the practice field with Mikey Boy and tossing the pig skin around, nonetheless we are reaching across the table momentarily to acknowledge that how ever many many many many faults Mike Brown has he does have SOME redeeming qualities as a humanoid.
We can criticize some of the Brown family all of the time and we can criticize all of the Brown family some of the time, but we can't criticize all of the Brown family all of the time.
With that said we have reached across the lines to our fellow Buckeyes at WaitingForNextYear, a Cleveland Browns blog that, like WDR, creates a forum to vent and celebrate their frustrations, opinions, and general take on the team they love. Waiting For Next Year has kindly invited us to participate in their weekly post "The Browns Will Win If..." and we have graciously accepted their invitation. We on the South Coast of OH may still call them "The Mistake On The Lake", but the only mistake this year would be not recognizing that we are all in the same canoe with a mammoth sized hole much unlike those created by our respective offensive lines. I call this game a draw... Who said kissing you sister was bad twice in one year? It may even be kind of hot... well, maybe not.
From our friends at www.waitingfornextyear.com:
"This Sunday is the quintessential “Lipstick on a Pig” game. I find myself fighting the inner battle of “Please, just let the Browns FINALLY SCORE AN OFFENSIVE TOUCHDOWN” and “Come on Romeo, just roll over and solidify our draft status. Don’t be a hero.”
The Bengals are one of the few teams that (record-wise) have been worse than the Browns this season, and yet the Bengals are doing what the Browns cannot in recent weeks: scoring and winning. They humbled Washington this past Sunday (though hardly the same Skins team that eeked out a win over the Browns oh so many weeks ago). To borrow a theme from Bill Simmons: “Dorsey! Fitzpatrick! It’s the NFL on CBS!!” Without further ado…
The Browns Will Win If…
Craig: …they can force Ryan Fitzpatrick into giving the Browns’ defense at least two scores. Honestly I care as much about this game as Derek Anderson does. This season is like that weekend in “The Big Chill” where everyone is arguing, sometimes hating each other, facing demons and questioning the foundations of their lives and relationships. What we don’t know is whether or not this version of the movie has a happy ending. Also, we know that it was much more fun to watch as a third party rather than being involved in verbal sparring matches with guys who were supposed to be your number 1 QB and number 1 receiver coming into the season. Yes, folks, I just compared the 2008 Browns team to “The Big Chill.” (You’re welcome.)
Scott: …if we make Ryan Fitzpatrick revert back to the one we faced earlier this season. We can keep Ced Benson in check, but TJ Houshmandzadeh, Chad Ocho Cinco and Chris Henry are all better than the three wideouts we saw last week. Brandon McDonald and Eric Wright will have their hands full. Perhaps the offense does something, but I think we see an awful lot of Jamal Lewis in this one. Twenty carries, some calculated passes and we may just be able to pull this one off. And the only thing it will get us is a worse draft pick. Even when we win, we lose.
DP: …they lose. Hear me out. Draft pick. Draft pick. Draft pick. As we’ve seen, Romeo Crennel is capable of messing just about anything up as a head coach, and this is no exception: the worst thing the Browns can do right now is to “rally together” and win either of these last two games (though anyone that thinks this offense is crossing the 50 against Pittsburgh’s defense needs to see a doctor, but I digress). Well, Romeo, don’t mess THIS up. The NFL is littered with the carcasses (carci?) of crappy teams, and 5-11 is going to be a far worse draft pick than 4-12, even. So, Romeo, don’t try to win. You haven’t tried for most of the year, so don’t start now. Also, the Browns will win if Ryan Fitzpatrick throws another couple of floater-interceptions and the Bengals don’t try to run the ball at all. But seriously. Lose. Draft pick.
RockKing: …the Bengals lose. There’s nothing the Browns can do to win any more games this year on their own. The only way they can win a game is if the other team loses it. If any team outside of the Lions is capable of losing a game, it’s the Bengals. So there’s hope. Like, one-in-a million hope. Yes, I am telling you there’s a chance.
Rick: …Cleveland gets a shroud of snow about 4 inches thick before the game. I think we could out muscle Cincy. I also think that the team could get one of those us versus the world mentalities and decide to dominate. Otherwise, the Bengals will probably find a way to win/we’ll find a way to lose. I predict that we finally find the end zone on offense. Hopefully it’s not a safety.
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Now, for the other side of this sado-masochistically hilarious coin. We reached out to the team over at The Who Dey Revolution, who in the midst of their “Project Mayhem” initiative, took some time out to help us out for this post. And, quite frankly, turned this motha out. And, when you get a second, click this, as it is pretty sobering reading for all of us Browns fans who continue to support such crappiness on the football field.
The members of the Who Dey Revolution are forever calling for Cincinnati Bengals fans to take a stand and demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of the Cincinnati Bengals’ ownership, management, staff and players. Specifically, the Who Dey Revolution demands Bengals’ owner Mike Brown relinquish his control of all managerial decisions and control of player personnel and hire a competent, experienced and knowledgeable General Manager that will bring about momentous change to the way in which the Bengals franchise is operated. Without further ado…
The Bengals Will Win If…
Eddie Falznutz …Paul Brown is resurrected like Jesus to manage and coach the Browns, Jim Brown’s heart is implanted into Jamal Lewis, Art Modell brings back the “original” squad, in the 4th quarter there is a Norm van Brocklin to Tom Fears-esq last minute touchdown and Mike Brown maintains his competent and savvy football prowess in managing the Cincinnati Bengals. What’s that? The premise is how the Bengals will win? Ooooooh… Take a seat on ol’ St. Nick’s knee kids (not lap) and start begging.
Chairman Meow …the wind turbine outside of Cleveland Browns Stadium kicks up a gust that carries “Piernas Locas” Fitzgerald’s pass out of bounds, and then back in bounds for a long bomb TD to Ocho Cinco. It worked against the Panthers a couple years ago, it can work again.
Who Dey NYC …if they don’t allow Ken Dorsey, a very inexperienced quarterback, to play above the rim against them as they’ve done with other inexperienced and/or suspect quarterbacks during the Marvin Lewis era. Such examples include wonders like Bruce Gradkowski, Shaun Hill, Joe Flacco, Derek Anderson, Damon Huard, J.P Losman, Kyle Boller and Jeff Blake; or
…if Shaun Rogers does not eat Eric Ghiaciuc and Eric Steinbach forgets that he’s now on the Cleveland Browns and suits up at Center for the Bengals. Going back in time and drafting Steven Jackson instead of Chris Perry would greatly help matters too. While we’re going back in time and making changes to our running game, we might as well not re-sign Willie Anderson to a long term deal that we’d eventually not let him complete, sign Eric Steinbach for years and not place the 2008 franchise tag on 2007 backup offensive tackle, Stacy Andrews. If this happens, the Bengals will totally dominate the Browns.
Who Che …Ickey Woods stops selling assorted meats out of a truck, suits up, gasses Benson and takes 30 carries. Simultaneously, Brady Quinn must use his devilish good looks to woo Mike Brown into thinking the “Browns” were named after him and him only. This will trigger Mikey Boy into a giggle fit and will have him send the Bengals down the road to Massilon High School’s indoor practice facility to get some pre-game reps in a climate controlled facility for the first time since 2005.
Fielding Mellish …if Chris Crocker realizes that he is the team’s best defensive player not on IR and continues to wreak havoc on the opposing team’s wide receivers and tight ends. He will pull a “Santonio Holmes” on Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow by giving each a concussion. After, he will take a play from the Chad Johnson (Ocho Cinco) book of trash talk and send a bottle of Ibuprofen with a note that says, “Roses are red, violets are blue, take these pills to fix your head, cause I knocked the [crap] out of you.”
Crispus Attucks …if Housh sways his rat-tail back and forth in a melodic manner. The continual swaying will hypnotize the Browns leaving them to believe they are actually partaking in an outdoor show of the timeless seasonal tale “A Christmas Carol”. While the Browns defense partakes in ballerina spins and Tiny Tim, cursing the inept Bengals offense, will miraculously kick a 43 yard field goal for a stunning 3-0 victory."
I am hoping for a 0-0 tie. That would rock!
Posted by: Steve Simon | December 19, 2008 at 09:50 PM