Geoff Hobson, the mouthpiece of the toilet of the NFL, posted this article about how Cedric Benson is open to returning to the Bengals next season, "Even if they take a running back fairly high in the draft, which they are expected to do." After banging my head against a wall, I tried to come up with a bright side to this. Then I banged my head against the wall some more. This would be, by far and away, the dumbest move in the entire draft history of Mike Brown's Bengals (yes, it's possible). Clearly, Mike Brown and the brain- Yet, we are going after a running back. trust-fart in charge of making this team a Super Bowl contender competitive of the field of play, does not actually watch the Bengals play football. If they watched the team play football, they would see that the Bengals can not protect the quarterback. They would see that the reason the Bengals get no production runnning the ball is because the offensive line couldn't move the Univeristy of Cincinnati's D-Line around.
And - queue up Hang on Sloopy - we already know who the running back is going to be. Beanie Wells!!!! "Yeah!", says the Buckeye fan, "Wells will be the saviour!"
Slow down.
Here's what is guaranteed to happen with the drafting of a running back (either Knowshon Moreno or Beanie Wells, but for this exercise, Wells). Wells gets drafted with the #2 pick in the draft (figuring that Detroit would have to win two games to give the Bengals the #1 slot). Mike Brown offers Wells one shiny quarter and a Chipotle gift card for $10 as a signing bonus and a lousy contract overall. Beanie holds out (can't blame Beanie, Mike Brown is a cheap-skate).
Training camp starts, no Beanie. After two pre-season games, Mike Brown finally buckles and give Beanie the contract he wants. Beanie plays...
... HANG ON SLOOPY! SLOOPY HANG ON!
Until he gets hurt (estimated to be week #4). Wells getting hurt is going to happen. Wells has missed three games this season for Ohio State, and is wasn't even because his line did not protect him, he hurt himself trying to make a cut. Wait until the Steelers put Eric Ghiacuic flat on his back and hit poor Beanie in the backfield for a five yard loss. Again, and again, and again.
Buckeye fans will protect their hero by blaming the line, which is exactly what they should have drafted in the first place. And this will lead the second, third, fourth, and eighth chances with Wells, who will be hampered by the fact that the Bengals O-Line spends most of the game on their backs!
Not to mention that it appears that the Bengals medical staff all went to medical school in a third world country, because they can not keep any player healthy and on the field. Marvin White was told he was fine WHEN HE HAD A TORN A.C.L! Picture poor Beanie with a high-ankle sprain. The Bengals medical staff is going to screw this poor kid up.
So to review. The Bengals still have no clue what is wrong with the franchise. The team's BrainFart does not actually watch the team play football. They just wait to hear about a young good football via the newspaper or the radio and that's what they draft.
If Mike wants a shiny new toy with name recognition, he needs to read The Blind Side by Michael Lewis. A great story about the importance of an offensive line in the NFL, and more importantly about Michael Oher, Ole Miss left tackle, and a sure-fire stud in the NFL. Remember Anthony Munoz? Yeah, something like that. But the people that drafted Munoz aren't running the Bengals anymore. Morons are!
I'm moving to Pittsburgh if this happens. Yeah, I said it.
Posted by: Who Che | December 05, 2008 at 11:40 AM
Yeah, as a Buck fan, theres no way we should pick a RB at all. I would love to have Beanie, but even w/o the injury arguement, its a terrible idea. I relate this to the Mario Williams-Reggie Bush debate. if you could only take one of those for this team, who would it be? It would definately be Mario for me.
Posted by: Luigi | December 05, 2008 at 12:01 PM
OMG...I had a horrible dream last night. I was on my way upstairs to retire for the evening when I heard an awful commotion (squealing?) coming from the guest bedroom. Panicked, I opened the door and was witness to Mike Brown sodomizing Baghdad Hob, with an evil grimace on his pale face. It was like watching Humpty Dumpty butt-fuck all of the kings men. But that wasn't the worst part...as I stepped backward, in shock, preparing to bolt back down the stairs...Katie Blackburn blindsided me with a nightstick. When I came to, I was in a tent in Indian Hills, shackled, with a sore ass and leftover chicken tenders from the Jacksonville game spread out in front of me.
Needless to say I'm not going to sleep tonight.
Posted by: Tremain Crack | December 05, 2008 at 12:03 PM
In football, you win if you dominate the line of scrimmage. If the take Beanie in the 1st (or a wide receiver...another position Baghdad Hob has dropped as a possiblity)...it will again set this franchise back another five years. Carson can throw to anyone...he does not need top flight WR talent. Franchise Housh, cut Chad, and lets move on with our lives. We did draft two receivers in the top 3 rounds for a reason last year...right?
Posted by: Ghost of Boomer | December 05, 2008 at 12:52 PM
We drafted two wide receivers last year? Funny, I haven't seen either of them. Too bad football isn't more like baseball, when the season is in the tank you throw in some of the young kids and see what you may have to build around next year.
Unfortunately, we were forced into seeing what we have in Crazy Legs. All that being said, even if Simpson and Caldwell were on the field, we probably wouldn't notice because CL can't get them the damn ball.
Do you think his passes get knocked down in pre-game warmups too? I could just picture Pat Sims running over and swatting his passes down in his pre-game game of catch. Of course Sims would miss though because no one on the Bengals can get to the quarterback. But, if you put Giachic in front of him, maybe Sims would get there. Everyone gets by him. Boy now I am really perplexed. It is almost like two immovable forces.
Posted by: Ocho Stinko | December 05, 2008 at 02:16 PM
Beanie!!!! Wooo, can't wait til the Bengals ruin his career!!!
Posted by: Sly Vramavomovich | December 05, 2008 at 02:41 PM
Lets give Mikey a little LeeWay (see how i did that) here. He drafted Corey Dillion and Rudi, Mikey has a great track record of drafting RBs in the first or 2nd round. Just forget about Ki Jana, Perry, Irons (injuries, but you know).
On WR, Mikey drafted Chad and TJ....just forget about Peter Warrick (remember him), our crop this year, Tab Perry, etc.
When you think about all the "skill" players we draft in the first and 2nd rounds it makes me want to puke.
Posted by: Leeroy Jenkins | December 05, 2008 at 03:24 PM
Didn't Mikey Draft Kajana Carter out of Penn State ahead of Tony Boselli.They had no offensive line line back then and looked what happened to Kajana Carter.They Turned him into Vagina Carter after he got hurt.
HEY MIKEY YOU DONT DRAFT A RUNNING BACK HIGH WITHOUT A OFFENSIVE LINE.IF YOU WANT TO KEEP PALMER ALIVE UPGRADE THE O LINE.
Posted by: CYLON STEVE | December 05, 2008 at 06:16 PM
Don't worry, next year Odell Thurman and David Pollack will be playing linebacker, so our defense will be solid!
We need to get Chumley enrolled in a twelve step program, but we can't get the corpulent swine to admit he has a fucking problem. I'm looking forward to the step where he has to go around and apologize to every one he's harmed.
Posted by: Scott Ricketts | December 05, 2008 at 06:17 PM
Hey Guys go above a little and check out Tremains Cracks Comments,its pretty funny.
Posted by: Cylon Steve | December 05, 2008 at 06:20 PM
Great stuff. The best part of WDR is we all know that Mikey, Katie, and Troy(when he has time after washing the cars and grocery shopping)read this. The rest of the front office is probably illiterate.
Posted by: Pal | December 05, 2008 at 07:21 PM