Baghdad Hob Continues To Unequivocally Dominate The Spin Zone

Ol' Baghdad Hob is up to his old tricks, hiding Mikey's incompetence and trying to convince us that he is a "real" journalist and not a paid employee of the Bengals.  In today's issue, he discusses how the Bengals can reinvent themselves like the Dolphins did this year, but failing to mention the Dolphins hired BILL PARCELLS to head up the player personnel department.

http://www.bengals.com/news/news.asp?story_id=7338

Q: This season is clearly over, however I still am a strong believer that this team has talent. Look at how close we played the Giants and Cowboys, two of the better teams in the league. How comparable do you think this team is to the Dolphins of last year? They went 1-15 and now are in the playoff hunt. Do you think the Bengals could do something similar in 2009?
--Peter, Pittsburgh, PA

I have a feeling that this "Peter from Pitt" character is being very sarcastic.

PETER: With a healthy Carson Palmer and favorable schedule rotation (AFC West, NFC North) like the Dolphins have, anything is possible.

Looks like B Hob is warming up with a quick anything is possible line. He must have to close his eyes and imagine some other team when he types these leaps of faith in the Bengals.

But they will also have to do some things like the Dolphins did this past offseason by making some gains in mid-level free agency and getting better play out of some veterans.

If by free agency he means HIRING BILL PARCELLS and letting him run the show, then I'll let this line slide. Nope. Well maybe he's getting ready to give Parcells his own paragraph.

And, getting some pop out of the draft right away. No Jerome Simpson or Jason Shirley projects. Left tackle Jake Long is playing franchise-building football down there and that's the kind of guy the Bengals are going to have a chance to get at the top of the draft on either side of the line.

Still no Parcells. Hmm. Well at least he said something about the Bengals taking a lineman in the first round. That is a step in the right direction.

Miami has received big-time play out of veteran linebacker Joey Porter, defensive end Matt Roth, cornerback Will Allen, and wide receiver Ted Ginn, Jr., after not doing much last season. That's the same kind of production the Bengals are going to need next year from ends Robert Geathers and Antwan Odom and cornerback Johnathan Joseph, a trio of talented starters now on IR that didn't have stat-popping seasons.

The worst thing Hob could say about our D Ends while Mike Brown's omniscient eye watches over him is that they didn't have "stat-popping" seasons. What is this stat-popping power adjective you seemed to just have made up on the spot? Is it a mix of stat-stuffing and eye-popping? I might start using that. I guess the silver lining of Hob's job must be that he is his own editor and when he feels like taking the english language for a ride, there's no governor slowing him down.

You figure the Bengals are going to have to do more than draft to fill holes (running back, fullback, center) and even though they disdain free agency, it looks like that's the place they can meet some needs right away.

How badly will the Bengals screw this situation up? I can't even imagine how badly Mikey's going to handle this one. Who knows. I for one do not think Cedric Benson should be looked at as a ong-term solution. Ghiaciuc will more than likely be selling ice cream at out of a truck next year, and fullback is apparently not a position anyone in our organization considers important since our solution to the jeremy johnson weighing 600 pounds problem was to convert a tight end to take over for him.  

It appears they're going to need a center (Eric Ghiaciuc is unsigned) and why not go after a veteran instead of breaking in a kid all over again at such a key position?

I swear, Ghiaciuc better stay unsigned, or else.

The Dolphins spent a relatively modest $9 million bonus to sign a key guy in left guard Justin Smiley and the Bengals ought to think about going that way at center.

Okay, that was almost a mention of Parcells. He hired the guy who spent the money so through the transitive property...

Hob just said about as much as he could right there without actually saying anything substantial. Quite a performance so far considering it is abundantly clear to everyone that they are better because of a different front office and coaching and then the factors he has outlined. I wonder if Hob has ever studied the art of sleight of hand.

So, yeah, they could mirror Miami.

Literally unbelievable.

The Dolphins caught a huge break this year playing the AFC West and NFC West, where they have won five of their seven games. In '09, the Bengals draw the AFC West and NFC North, where currently two winning teams reside and where the teams this season have gone 17-45 outside their division.

This is sort of valid, except that outside of the Lions and, if Herm Edwards is still there, the Chiefs, all those other teams have a better direction moving forward than the Bengals.

The populace wants Bengals-Lions?

Which populace? Did the rest of the sentence get cut off, but it said The populace wants Bengals-Lions to be played not on TV or at all.

They get it at Paul Brown Stadium along with the 2-10 Chiefs, 7-5 Broncos and 6-6 Bears. The Bengals go to 3-9 Oakland, 4-8 San Diego, 5-7 Green Bay and 7-5 Minnesota.

All of those teams will probably be better than the Bengals next year when the team is very similar to what is on the field now only without Housh, which will make them so much more efficient at moving the ball down the field.

The thing is, the Dolphins already had running back Ronnie Brown, who has got to finish in the top 10 in an MVP vote. That's the position where they need to have an impact right away in the draft a la Chris Johnson. But they also need a veteran and a Cedric Benson re-signing would be a solid foray into mid-level free agency before you even get out of the gate.

Uhhunh. I have a lot of confidence in us plucking a guy like Chris Johnson out of thin air. And signing Cedric Benson has to be the opposite of a solid foray into anything.

Anyway, Hobs continues to stat-pop the shit out of these reader questions. I can't figure out whether these piece de resistances of his make him a much better writer than his colleagues or the best writer his colleagues have ever seen.

Comments

[WHIT]

Who will be the coach next year?

[Leeroy Jenkins]

What happened to the paragraph about Bill Parcells? My guess is Mikey Boy took that out.

[Geoff Hobson]

God damn it. Mikey Boy keeps re-writing my shit. The whole answer I wrote was about Bill Parcells.

[Mike Brown]

Geoff Hobson wrote: "God damn it. Mikey Boy keeps re-writing my shit. The whole answer I wrote was about Bill Parcells."

Geoff you're fired! Hey!!! Now I can buy Chris Henry those brass knuckles he wanted with the money I'll save!

[HofbrauNow]

Uh, yeah...the Dolphins HIRED BILL PARCELLS

I guess there's no limit to the nerve a person can have, insulting the locals/fans intelligence, or even common sense, for that matter...

[HofbrauNow]

...that is, as long as they're getting *paid* to do so...

[BMOC]

C'mon give Hob a break. Mike Brown's and Bill Parcells' fooball track record are basically the same. Check it:

Bill Parcells wins Super Bowls
Mike Brown watches Super Bowls on television (in person would cost too much money)

Bill Parcells has a passion to win football games
Mike Brown has a passion to not change his ways

Bill Parcells benches players who don't show enough effort
Mike Brown cuts players who question his effort to field a competitive team (see Lee Johnson)

See Brown and Parcells are basically the same person, so we really got a bargain 'cause we don't have to pay a GM's salary!!