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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the eighteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« In Case 34-3 Didn't Make You Throw Up | Main | Marvin Lewis to Rosie O'Donnell: "Those Pants Don't Make You Look Fat" »

November 30, 2008

What Does the Other Team's Local Media Write About Us?

Ever wonder what our opponent's media writes about the Bengals before/after playing them?  I got curious and did some research.  Below are some choice excerpts.  Conclusion:  we are not taken seriously, though people are still concerned about our talent at wideout (guess Baltimore takes awhile to get over the whuppings TJ and Chad have laid on them in the past, I assume they know better now).

Baltimore Beatdown:  The Cincinnati Bengals have turned from the soap opera team of the summer into the forgotten ugly sister in the AFC North.

The Ebony Bird (is this name racist?):  Looking Forward: They (Cincinnati) are at home against Baltimore in a game that might be a little closer than people expect. And by closer, I mean that the Bengals will actually come to the stadium.

Ravens Gab: (Ravens Gab?  Really...maybe Baltimore just really sucks at naming their blogs?) The Cincinnati Bungles. This team finally has come full circle.This is the first time the Ravens have swept Cincy since 2002. It seems hard to figure with some of the talent they have that they have fallen so far off the map. They showed little fight most of the day and you’d have to think that the Marvin Lewis death watch is still on. Hmm, Brian Billick needs a coaching job.

The Schmuck Stops Here (Baltimore Sun...yep, they do suck at naming their blogs): Obviously, I was never terribly worried, since I picked the Ravens to win big, but I felt even better when I watched the Bengals come out of the tunnel before the game. There was as little pre-game emotion as you might have expected from a 1-9-1 team. Some of the players actually looked like they were bothered by the misty, 40-degree weather.

Medium Well (Baltimore Sun):  During today's Ravens-Bengals game, CBS' cameras caught a boy in the stands holding up a little Bengals banner, but he had it upside down. Wilcots said: "I think he knew exactly what he was doing."

Connolly's Corner (Baltimore Sun): Let’s get this part out of the way first: The Bengals are terrible. Revoltingly terrible. So you have to keep that in mind when you analyze the Ravens performance Sunday. They may have had a little more trouble with an actual NFL team.  Still, the Ravens needed to win in Cincy because the remaining games on their schedule aren’t gimmes. At the halfway point, we all counted Sunday’s contest in Cincy as a Ravens’ win.

Sweet.  Oh yeah.  Read the post below.  Done?  Read it again.  This is who controls our team.

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Its not too early for Mike Brown to ask President Bush for a pardon.

thank you, i want to contact you

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MikeyBoy Brown Twitter Updates

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 17 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .348 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (97-181 in 17 seasons)

      15-23 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      6 3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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