I saw where this loser made up 8 reasons why he hates Pittsburgh, or as I like to call it Football Town USA. I call it
Football Town USA because it is why Pittsburgh is so awesome, because
we are good at football and we are in the USA. I have decided to list
the 8 reasons why Football Town USA is awesome and the Steelers are
better than the teams from other cities who aren’t as good as
Pittsburgh. Here is my list:
8. Mike Tomlin. I’m pretty sure he is the most awesome coach to ever
coach in football. He is so tough and smart and is pretty much better
than other coaches who don’t coach in Pittsburgh. Everyone made fun
of him last year for going for a two point touchdown in the playoff
game against Jacksonville after the refs made up some holding call
(the refs always screw us because they are mad they don’t get to be in
Pittsburgh every week) against someone and then Ben couldn’t get the
two point touchdown because Jacksonville cheated. Well, let me ask
you this. Why would you go for a one point field goal instead of a
two point touchdown? Two is more than one. You must be from
somewhere other than Football Town USA!
7. My wife. My wife is so hot and she also likes the Steelers. Her
favorite player is Ben because he is the best and most tough player to
play for football teams in as long as we can remember. Ever since my mom and dad told me that I was going to have a 14th little sister I knew I would fall in love and marry her and we would love the Steelers together here in Football Town USA, which is what I call Pittsburgh.
6. The Terrible Towel. I don’t know why it is called terrible
because last I checked terrible meant bad and there is nothing bad
about the Terrible Towel. I call it the Terrible (Actually Is Not)
Towel, or TAINT for short. The only bad thing is there isn’t enough
of them. The main thing I like about the TAINT is that you can wave
it at any time during any game. Steelers score a touchdown? TAINT
TIME! 2nd and 5 in the middle of the first quarter and Steelers are
getting cheated so they are down 14 points? TAINT TIME! TV timeout?
TAINT TIME! You don’t have to think about when you want to waive your
TAINT, which is why I like it so much because thinking about stuff is
5. Bill Cowher. He is the best coach in the time history of
football as well as being tough and awesome and smart. He has won a
lot of Super Bowls in his life and has probably won more games than
any other coach ever. He was the coach of the Football Town USA
(which is what I call Pittsburgh because we are good at football and
are in the USA) Steelers for a long time. Now he is the funneist guy
on TV well 2nd funniest because the funniest is Larry the Cable Guy
and sometimes the Bill Engvall Show.
4. Big Ben. I will not try to spell his name because it has a lot of
letters but safe to say you can just spell his last name
“Awesomeandtough” because that’s what he is. He is a gamer and a
football player in the NFL for the Steelers. He plays the
quarterback. He gets hurt sometimes but he always plays because he is
tough which is what we love in Football Town USA. He is the toughest
player in the NFL, bar none.
3. Hines Ward. He is the toughest player in the NFL, bar none. He
is a blocker who also catches passes and he is really a do it all type
player. He is so tough and the reason I like him is because he is always smiling because he loves football so much but I like to think
he also loves Football Town USA and because we are so blue-collar in
this town just like Hines Ward is. Some people like to call Hines dirty but I don’t think he is dirty because he plays the game 110%.
If you could go up to 111%, he would play the game that hard. He’s
just that type of blue-collar player.
2. Our five Super Bowl titles. We have five, that’s right five,
Super Bowl titles. This is way more than every other team in the
NFL. I think the second most is the Miami Hurricanes because they won a bunch in the 1980s, or as I like to call it I can’t remember what
happened because the Steelers didn’t play in the Super Bowl and if
they don’t play it doesn’t count. What’s wrong, Miami Hurricanes?
Were you scared to be good in the 1970s when we had awesome players
and would have whipped your butt? I guess that’s why Miami is called
Miami and Pittsburgh is called Football Town USA, which is what Pittsburgh is called because we are good at football and are in the
1. Our fans. We are the best fans of all football teams in the NFL of all teams. This is because we always go to the games no matter where they are at. If the game is in Cinncinatti we will go to it. If the game is in Los Angeles we will go to it. If the game is in Arizona we will go to it, which is scary because they are not in the USA and we are Football Town USA and we may get attacked by jealous people who wish they were in the USA. We also waive our TAINTs in the air all the time to show the awesomeness of the Steelers Nation, which is everywhere you go because we all love the Steelers mainly because we are blue-collar people who just love football and are so awesome and tough players.
In closing, I’d just like to say to Cinncinatti fans, hey don’t be jealous because your town isn’t called Football Town USA. Because jealousy is what killed the cat, and the Bengal is like a cat and if you are jealous you will possibly die.