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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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November 20, 2008


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9. Terry Bradshaw - He was the bestest QB in football history and he was the quarterback for Football Town USA, which is what I call the Pittsburgh Steelers. I do not know how many touchdowns or yards he had, because those are numbers and numbers are for nerds and stupid people. All I know is that Terry Bradshaw is better than all the other football quarterbacks who have played in the NFL exept maybe Ben, but that is unfair because Ben has not played football for Football Town USA as Terry Bradshaw did. Terry Bradshaw is also one of the best football talkers that is on my TV from 12-1 before I watch Football Town USA win football games against the Stupid Bungles.

10. Steroids; if not for 'roids, we would have been just as irrevalent in the 70s as we were for the previous decades.

LMFAO!! Is that you Jerome? Stop playing with us.

11. Bus Bettis - He was the bestest blocker to ever run the football after taking the ball from the KorderBack. Not only was a fat and did not have much talent but he won a Super Bowl in his hometown. HIS HOMETOWN! Now he is part of the 38 man pregame show that is only the greatest football show in the America that doesn't feature the Football Town USA team.

12. The Still Curtin
For yinz who dont no, the Still Curtin is the name of the defence for Football town USA, which is what I call the Pittsburg Stillers cause we play football and are in the USA. Weez are the only team with a name for the defence. Just cause it wuz the name of defence in the 70s doesnt meen it isnt the same now for our name. Yinz probly dont get it but a Still Curtin is hard to get threw and because its made of still, like the still we make in Football Town USA and the team name is Stillers wich is part of the word Still Curtin. Its probably over yinz head but we will continue to use this to describes our defence despites it reference to a team fortys year ago.

I'm going to get, these commandments tatted, on my belly.

LMFAO!! Is that you Jerome? Stop playing with us.

thanks ,.because those are numbers and numbers are for nerds and stupid people. All I know is that Terry Bradshaw is better than all the other football quarterbacks who have played in the NFL exept maybe Ben

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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