Top 8 Reasons Why I Love Pittsburgh

I saw where this loser made up 8 reasons why he hates Pittsburgh, or as I like to call it Football Town USA.  I call it Football Town USA because it is why Pittsburgh is so awesome, because we are good at football and we are in the USA.  I have decided to list the 8 reasons why Football Town USA is awesome and the Steelers are better than the teams from other cities who aren’t as good as Pittsburgh.  Here is my list:

8.  Mike Tomlin.  I’m pretty sure he is the most awesome coach to ever coach in football.  He is so tough and smart and is pretty much better than other coaches who don’t coach in Pittsburgh.  Everyone made fun of him last year for going for a two point touchdown in the playoff game against Jacksonville after the refs made up some holding call (the refs always screw us because they are mad they don’t get to be in Pittsburgh every week) against someone and then Ben couldn’t get the two point touchdown because Jacksonville cheated.  Well, let me ask you this.  Why would you go for a one point field goal instead of a two point touchdown?  Two is more than one.  You must be from somewhere other than Football Town USA!

7.  My wife.  My wife is so hot and she also likes the Steelers.  Her favorite player is Ben because he is the best and most tough player to play for football teams in as long as we can remember.  Ever since my mom and dad told me that I was going to have a 14th little sister I knew I would fall in love and marry her and we would love the Steelers together here in Football Town USA, which is what I call Pittsburgh.

6.  The Terrible Towel.  I don’t know why it is called terrible because last I checked terrible meant bad and there is nothing bad about the Terrible Towel.   I call it the Terrible (Actually Is Not) Towel, or TAINT for short.  The only bad thing is there isn’t enough of them.  The main thing I like about the TAINT is that you can wave it at any time during any game.  Steelers score a touchdown?  TAINT TIME! 2nd and 5 in the middle of the first quarter and Steelers are getting cheated so they are down 14 points?  TAINT TIME!  TV timeout? TAINT TIME!  You don’t have to think about when you want to waive your TAINT, which is why I like it so much because thinking about stuff is dumb.

5.  Bill Cowher.   He is the best coach in the time history of football as well as being tough and awesome and smart.  He has won a lot of Super Bowls in his life and has probably won more games than any other coach ever.  He was the coach of the Football Town USA (which is what I call Pittsburgh because we are good at football and are in the USA) Steelers for a long time.  Now he is the funneist guy on TV well 2nd funniest because the funniest is Larry the Cable Guy and sometimes the Bill Engvall Show.

4.  Big Ben.  I will not try to spell his name because it has a lot of letters but safe to say you can just spell his last name “Awesomeandtough” because that’s what he is.  He is a gamer and a football player in the NFL for the Steelers.  He plays the quarterback.  He gets hurt sometimes but he always plays because he is tough which is what we love in Football Town USA.  He is the toughest player in the NFL, bar none.

3.  Hines Ward.  He is the toughest player in the NFL, bar none.  He is a blocker who also catches passes and he is really a do it all type player.  He is so tough and the reason I like him is because he is always smiling because he loves football so much but I like to think he also loves Football Town USA and because we are so blue-collar in this town just like Hines Ward is.  Some people like to call Hines dirty but I don’t think he is dirty because he plays the game 110%.  If you could go up to 111%, he would play the game that hard.  He’s just that type of blue-collar player.

2.  Our five Super Bowl titles.  We have five, that’s right five, Super Bowl titles.  This is way more than every other team in the NFL.  I think the second most is the Miami Hurricanes because they won a bunch in the 1980s, or as I like to call it I can’t remember what happened because the Steelers didn’t play in the Super Bowl and if they don’t play it doesn’t count.  What’s wrong, Miami Hurricanes? Were you scared to be good in the 1970s when we had awesome players and would have whipped your butt?  I guess that’s why Miami is called Miami and Pittsburgh is called Football Town USA, which is what Pittsburgh is called because we are good at football and are in the USA.

1.  Our fans.  We are the best fans of all football teams in the NFL of all teams.  This is because we always go to the games no matter where they are at.  If the game is in Cinncinatti we will go to it. If the game is in Los Angeles we will go to it.  If the game is in Arizona we will go to it, which is scary because they are not in the USA and we are Football Town USA and we may get attacked by jealous people who wish they were in the USA.  We also waive our TAINTs in the air all the time to show the awesomeness of the Steelers Nation, which is everywhere you go because we all love the Steelers mainly because we are blue-collar people who just love football and are so awesome and tough players.

In closing, I’d just like to say to Cinncinatti fans, hey don’t be jealous because your town isn’t called Football Town USA.  Because jealousy is what killed the cat, and the Bengal is like a cat and if you are jealous you will possibly die.

Comments

[The Wheels on the Bus]

9. Terry Bradshaw - He was the bestest QB in football history and he was the quarterback for Football Town USA, which is what I call the Pittsburgh Steelers. I do not know how many touchdowns or yards he had, because those are numbers and numbers are for nerds and stupid people. All I know is that Terry Bradshaw is better than all the other football quarterbacks who have played in the NFL exept maybe Ben, but that is unfair because Ben has not played football for Football Town USA as Terry Bradshaw did. Terry Bradshaw is also one of the best football talkers that is on my TV from 12-1 before I watch Football Town USA win football games against the Stupid Bungles.

[Flash]

10. Steroids; if not for 'roids, we would have been just as irrevalent in the 70s as we were for the previous decades.

[JMo]

LMFAO!! Is that you Jerome? Stop playing with us.

[Nathan Hale the Revolution]

11. Bus Bettis - He was the bestest blocker to ever run the football after taking the ball from the KorderBack. Not only was a fat and did not have much talent but he won a Super Bowl in his hometown. HIS HOMETOWN! Now he is part of the 38 man pregame show that is only the greatest football show in the America that doesn't feature the Football Town USA team.

[I don't need no stinking helmet]

12. The Still Curtin
For yinz who dont no, the Still Curtin is the name of the defence for Football town USA, which is what I call the Pittsburg Stillers cause we play football and are in the USA. Weez are the only team with a name for the defence. Just cause it wuz the name of defence in the 70s doesnt meen it isnt the same now for our name. Yinz probly dont get it but a Still Curtin is hard to get threw and because its made of still, like the still we make in Football Town USA and the team name is Stillers wich is part of the word Still Curtin. Its probably over yinz head but we will continue to use this to describes our defence despites it reference to a team fortys year ago.

[Chase F]

I'm going to get, these commandments tatted, on my belly.

[cheap brand jeans]

LMFAO!! Is that you Jerome? Stop playing with us.

[cheap clothes]

thanks ,.because those are numbers and numbers are for nerds and stupid people. All I know is that Terry Bradshaw is better than all the other football quarterbacks who have played in the NFL exept maybe Ben

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