The L.A. of Anaheim Bengals

I just read one of our fearless commenters saying something to the effect of he can't wait for the Bengals to move to LA, and I thought, that change of scenery would be hysterical on a couple levels.  

First, the Bengals would generate about as much interest as the Loyola Marymount athletic teams do. I could see the most attention the team would get would be from fashion inclined people running with our tiger stripes in a comical, I'm above the rules of fashion just like Paul Brown was above the rules of society, kind of way. LA women wearing throwback childrens small halter top jerseys. That I would not be opposed to.

Secondly, Mike Brown would make so so little money. How quickly would that stadium become a ghost town? People out there have better things to do, like rollerblading and living happy lives, than watch and spend money on a semi-professional football organization. The most fans they would get every year would be when USC kicks their ass in a scrimmage. And Mikey would probably have to split the money with USC.

Thirdly, what kind of hijinxs could some of our players get into in LA. Chad hobnobbing with celebrities. Chad would automatically become one of the most well spoken, thoughtful people out there. He would hang out with Rick Fox and eventually grow his hair out and put it in Gheri Curls so that when he and Fox were out on the town they would look like half brothers or something.

Cali's version of knowledgeable football fans would be wondering why Palmer hadn't graduated from USC yet (If I lived out there I would probably have a tough time caring about sports that didn't involve the Laker Girls too). Chris Henry running buck fucking wild wherever he wanted while wearing his own jersey. I could see Henry running a small to midsize dope growing/dealing operation while also flipping stolen cars. Chris Henry would probably overnight become one of the richest, most legitimate businessmen in the whole state.

Bobbie Williams would retire immediatley and start acting. He would quickly become the go to oversized black guy that has three or four good scenes before moving into leading man roles. Five years down the road he would win an Oscar for his portrayal of Penguin in the final Batman movie before OD'ing on too many Ham Sandwiches in a 30 second span.

Comments

[Who Che]

Sounds like GREAT reality TV to me.