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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« Project Mayhem Crosses Borders | Main | The Quest for the Defeated Season Ends...Mercifully »

November 02, 2008

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1:15: Gave them the line and a nice girl said she would make a note. Also asked that she note that MB needs to hire a GM and a scouting dept.

I called at 1:04 and talked to a very nice lady. She said "Thank You" and I said "Your Welcome". It sounded like she may have heard that line before....

The jerk line employees had to have had a meeting about this. When I called the lady completely expected what I was gonna say and was very polite.

I called at 3:00 right after Fitzy's interception. I used the script, and the lady had no response whatsoever. After a few seconds of awkward silence, I hung up...

Called at 3:15 and said Mike Brown abuses me and is a jerk. The lady said nothing in response.

lost my voice as a mummy on Halloween so had to text. Viva la revolucion

Called long distance from PA. No response.

skyped in from bogota even though we were up a couple of scores (this almost almost-win changes nothing)...

i'm pretty sure it was brown's daughter who picked up; though she seemed quite pleased to receive the info, there was also a hint of haunted frustration and treacherous deep-down-disdain for her father at having born her into his festering family legacy...perhaps she is approachable as an ass-ette...

she also seemed romantically moved by my passionate proclaim that, "La Revolución Es Ahora!", understanding in inspired awe that it was less of a threat than an announcement...

I called at 3:30 today. I said the line...the lady on the other end paused and said...ok, I will report it...I said thank you. I think she was on our side. Viva la Revolucion.

I called 5 times. Once I asked if she had been getting a lot of these calls. She did not seemed amused by my attempts at friendly banter.

I called about 2:30 and she just thanked me and hung up. It made me feel better anyway.

Called in at the end of the first quarter. The lady on the other end didn't say anything. We need to be more low-key.

I must have called 3 or 4 times during the game. The line we were given to repeat was nice and I did follow the lead but I felt it needed more. The first time I called the girl sounded very peppy but by my 3rd call she seemed very unhappy. On my 4th call I added a little something extra to the statement by saying "and this is the sound my money makes when spent on anything Bengals." at that time I ended the call by flushing the toilet while holding the phone in close proximity. I then called after the fluke win and informed her that the Bengal nation still hated Mike Brown and would settle for nothing less than his removal from this earth. Can we please go 1-15 now? Im 23 now so i figure I may get to see the Bungles lose at least 2 more playoff games by the time I am 60. Unless ol' Mikey follows in Walt Disney's footsteps and is succesfully frozen and brought back to ensure the heartache of future fans in which case I guess Im screwed.

I called a few times, in addition to having the people around me do the same (non-Bengals fans) (these people, while fans of the NFL elite, still understood our cause and sympathized with our plight). A few times I tried calling, the mailbox was full, or circuits busy. When I did get thru, the robotic lady on the other line would politely say "thank you". I'm not sure if she was going numb by all of the calls, or she is truly brainwashed and didn't really understand what was going on. I just hope the powers that be receive copies of how many times the Jerk Line was called.

Still, despite the win today, don't be fooled!!!!! The devil (Mikey Boy) plays many tricks!!! Keep the fire alive and don't relent even though the dream of a defeated season has ended!!!

I called forty times. Starting at seven am while I had coffee and then every fifteen minutes until the end of the game.

i called around 2:45, the lady said "hello" i said the scripted line and she said "ok, I will make a note." I said Thank you and hung up. I understand that revolutions look toward the future, but the old "if it's Brown flush it down." line was classic.

I called at 1:57, said the line, and got a polite "thank you."

Bring on Mayhem Task #2!

I called around 2:30 and the lady said thank you

I was proud to both text and call and even get my non-football fan girlfriend to call and get the polite "Thank you" and she is from PA! Congrats to the team and both lines, there was some solid effort on the field which was great to see. Viva la Revolution and Phebes!

I called, 5 times, the 5th time i called i asked why nothing had been done yet about my previous requests, she just said they were looking into the situation, asked if there was anything else.

I called around 2:15, and the lady that answered didn't seem too amused. But, she said thanks for the call after I said the line and we hung up.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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