I Hate the Bye Week

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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble
IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

November 09, 2008

Even when watching the Bengals has more in common with a prostate exam I still find myself pissed during that one weekend when they do not play. Seriously, right now I'd go watch some pee-wee if they gave those little bastards some orange and black helmets. I'd even hurl sarcastic comments loudly in their direction about the play calling, lack of pass rush, general lack of effort and incessant whining for their mommies - just like the real Bengals.

Anyway, I will now return to actually setting my fantasy team up right once this year. After that I am still going to go watch games and drink in a dark bar on a nice Sunday. I make good decisions with my life.

What are you going to do with your bye week?

Posted by Sleeping With Bieniemy on November 09, 2008 at 10:52 AM | Permalink

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I was going to do a liveblog but then I realized I would get bored in about six seconds. I'll probably just hate life.

Posted by: Showtime | November 09, 2008 at 11:27 AM

Red Zone HD. The best invention ever.

Posted by: Leeroy Jenkins | November 09, 2008 at 01:14 PM

Going to the madonna concert tonight

Posted by: Mike Rabiner | November 09, 2008 at 02:06 PM

Going to madonna concert tonight... giddy up

Posted by: Mike Rabiner | November 09, 2008 at 02:08 PM

spending the afternoon getting drunk with my friends watching the J-E-T-S Bretts Bretts Bretts, of course while donning my Palmer jersey. Naturally, any chance I get I'll ramble on drunkenly about the mighty (sic?) Bengals. At least the G-Men play the Iggles tonight. That will be a helluva a game. Go Big Blue!!!! Who.... Dey??? (fuckin give us task #2 of Project Mayhem already!!!)

Posted by: Capt. Steve-O | November 09, 2008 at 05:33 PM

Even in the bye week, the f'ing steelers f'd me. Bet on the Steelers at home, Brosef thought, giving 3 to the overhyped Colts. What Brosef didn't know is that Big Ben can't throw the ball more than 10 yards.

Posted by: Brosef Stalin | November 09, 2008 at 07:51 PM

I skied. It was amazing. For the first Sunday in 8 weeks I didn't finish the day wanting to punch someone in the face. I just might do it again...and again 7 more times.

Posted by: BetterOffWithoutBengals | November 09, 2008 at 08:36 PM

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Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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November 09, 2008