Going to a Halloween party this weekend? Taking the kids Trick-or-Treating? Having trouble coming up with a last minute Halloween costume? We already gave some costume ideas to the Bengal's management and players, now it's time to throw out some ideas to the disgruntled fans.
Let's make this clear. WDR is usually adamantly against grown ass men dressing up for Halloween*, but we have come up with some entirely appropriate and disgustingly scary costume ideas for you to consider for your Halloween weekend festivities.
Now we aren’t promoting any certain neighborhoods to go Trick-or-Treating, but we are pretty sure Mike Brown’s neighborhood (if not address) can be easily found with a quick Google search. Just sayin’. I heard he is handing out terrible draft picks this year (HEY OH!).
This year’s WDR Costume Guide Includes but is not limited to:
Costumes for Men:
Mike Brown: One of the most vile and hated creatures of our generation, The WDR Mike Brown costume is a fairly easy grab. Head to your local Goodwill and buy an outdated suit that is one size too big. Similar to his views on hiring a General Manager, Ol’ Mikey doesn’t believe in spending money on new clothes; or anything for that matter. To commit to this costume, you’re going to need to shave your head. Make sure you leave just enough around the edge so you get that Wallace Shawn thing going on. Throw on a pair of outdated glasses and you are ready to roll.
For added effect, don’t talk to anyone who is dressed up as someone from the media and walk around with a bitter scowl on your face all night. If something goes wrong, find an excuse as to why it is not your fault but merely bad luck.
There is bound to be that house in the neighborhood that hands out quarters or dimes instead of candy. In true Mike Brown fashion, hide in the bushes and steal the change from all of the children throughout the night. To the children, that money symbolizes dreams, to Mike Brown, that money symbolizes our taxes.
Troy Blackburn: The WDR Troy Blackburn Costume may cost a pretty penny to pull off. The Troy Blackburn Costume consists of a slick European cut suit and Italian leather loafers. Creep everyone out on Halloween by proving you are the “Poster Douche” for nepotism and the Nuevo Riche!
As an added effect, create havoc by scaring little children! One of the most ghastly characteristics of this monster is the fact that he feels pride in crushing the dreams of fans and children alike. To achieve this, post a sign in your yard that says “BEST CANDY ON THE BLOCK.” When you have the largest line of Trick-or-Treaters in the neighborhood, open the door and yell “JUST KIDDING SUCKERS!!!” Proceed to hand out toothbrushes. Those tears you see in the kid’s eyes are proof that your costume is a hit!
Katie Blackburn: See Below (See what I did here? I put Katie under the “men” section).
Costumes for Women:
Mike Brown: See Above
Troy Blackburn: See Above
Katie Blackburn: Katie Blackburn takes after her father. No, literally, the WDR Katie Blackburn Costume consists of the EXACT SAME clothing as the Mike Brown Costume. Mike Brown never wanted to waste money on “insignificant materialistic items” for his daughter. Why buy clothes designed for females when you have a whole closet full of outdated menswear, right? Instead, Mike has supplied Katie with, not only a front office position that she is extremely unqualified to hold, but also an amazing collection of dirty hand-me-downs.
To pull off this costume, it is best that someone in your group dresses up as Mike Brown. That way you mimic can do EVERYTHING Mike does and stick up for Mike when children inevitably start throwing candy apples at him.
If you really want to make a splash this weekend, round up a couple of friends. Each of you can pick one of these terrifying monsters to dress up as and head out as the Three Headed Monster that is the Bengal’s management. Those fans that hate the Bengal’s management will love it and for those who don’ “get” the costume will just think you are dressed up as the Three Stooges. It’s really a win-win.
Feel free to add the Revolution’s Halloween Costume Guide in the Comment Section.
*Note: We are NEVER against women dressing up for Halloween because we all know it is the one night a year that women get a free pass to dress up as dirty and naughty as the law allows. This is AWESOME. This is UNACCEPTABLE and NOT AWESOME.