IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the eighteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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Sources tell WDR's Chairman Meow that former Vikings/Dolphins QB Daunte Culpepper has left Detroit without signing a contract and is beginning talks with the Bengals.
As WDR has previously mentioned, this deal makes sense for the hapless Bengals offense.
WDR is working to confirm this story. Check back often for any late breaking updates.
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17 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.348 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (97-181 in 17 seasons)
15-23 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
6 3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
"This guy here is dead."
"Cross him off then."
Posted by: Who Dey NYC | October 28, 2008 at 03:38 PM
I don't see Culpepper being able to do anyhting when the line is only giving him 1 or two seconds to throw. Maybe we're thinking of signing him as a replacement for Levi.
Posted by: Chase F | October 28, 2008 at 04:03 PM
Yo bartender JoBoo needs a refill!
Posted by: JMo | October 28, 2008 at 04:34 PM
Makes no sense when Jared Lorenzen is still available.
Posted by: Brosef Stalin | October 28, 2008 at 04:42 PM
You tryin to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Posted by: Showtime | October 28, 2008 at 05:19 PM
doug Flutie could come back and work defenses with his SICK suit, shirt and tie combos!
Posted by: Who Che | October 28, 2008 at 07:57 PM
Cincinnati Bengals football practice was delayed today for two hours.
One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look
down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on
the practice field.
Head Coach Marvin Lewis immediately suspended practice while the FBI
was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined
that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed after FBI Special Agents agreed that the team
would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Posted by: McScratch | October 28, 2008 at 08:11 PM
Culpepper is looking for two or more years. Something tells me the Bengals won't be willing to give that to him.
Posted by: Matt | October 28, 2008 at 09:16 PM
If you think about it, that makes perfect sense. We hired Gus Frerote and Neil O' Donnell a few years back to lead the Bengals when it was obvious that they sucked
Posted by: Kyle Phelps | December 01, 2008 at 07:49 PM