IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the eighteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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The Province, a daily newspaper in Vancouver, Canada, ran a story this morning on Project Mayhem. Project Mayhem has been discussed on 700 WLW, 1530-AM, The Homer, Enquirer.com, AOL Fanhouse, and other newspapers and websites around the country. We hope that the JERK line on Sunday gets flooded, with some calls from our friends up North, eh?
Make sure you tune in tonight at 7:30pm to The Big One - 700WLW-AM to listen to yours truly on live with Paul Daugherty. We will be talking Project Mayhem, Baghdad Hob and all things Bengals.
Click here and then the icon in the top left to listen online.
Mike Brown and family trying to run the Cincinnati Bengals is exactly like me trying to put together IKEA furniture. Lets break this down step by step.
First, you buy the stuff at IKEA or buy/inherit an NFL team. Before you take it home and open the box or actually start playing games, you have high hopes. That stuff looks so good in the show room. It is inexpensive, stylish, and you plan on creating a sweet bachelor pad. Mike Brown now owns the Bengals, he gets to be the Hero of Cincinnati. He will do what his father, the Legendary Paul Brown never got to do, and win a Super Bowl. The great City of Cincinnati will glorify Mike Brown just like your brand new IKEA apartment will be the envy of all your friends (especially the ladies).
Continue reading "Running an NFL Team Is Like Putting Together IKEA Furniture" »
Like most of the world, I am an extremely superstitious person. I hate the number 13, I have "bad luck" songs which I can't listen to, and Ii have to go through the same routine before I play any sports.
Watching my Bengals used to be the same. During the glory years (the second 8-8 season, the magic season of 2005, and the debacle of 2006) I had a very strict pre-game routine.
I would wake up at 11:00 am every Sunday to my roommate blasting the Bengals fight song. I would get out of bed, sing the song, run around the apartment and start Who Dey-ing. After that I would take a shower, listen to NOFX Punk in Drublic, and commence with the putting on of the garb.
There were three outfits that would be worn to the Bottom Line, the Washington DC Bengals bar (each differnet for temperature and game importance).
Outfit 1- Warm Weather
White t-shirt, kakhi shorts, blue Adidas sandals, Orange Chad jersey, Bengals hat (2005 AFC North Championship hat for 2006), and the Bengals sungalsses I found on Ebay.
Outfit 2-Cold Weather
White-tshirt, jeans, blue Adidas Sandals, Orange Chad jersey, a orange and black striped fuzzy rug/70's curtain looking sweater that my best friend found for me at a garage sale.
Outfit 3- Monday night game/ Sunday night game/ steelers game
Life size Bengals tiger suit with Chad jersey over it (see pic above)
Every week it was one of those three. We would arrive at the Bottom Line, order a Miller Lite, and start predicting the outcome of the game.
Well last Saturday night didn't turn out to well for us Buckeye fans. The o-line was horrendous and I drank enough Jim Beam to forget it happened. The good news is I was so hungover I forgot to watch the Bengals get thouroughly destroyed by a Houston team that will be lucky to go 7-9. Anyway this week has a lot of good college games and I'll tell you all about them after the jump along with my updated top ten.
If you didn't feel pity for Geoff Hobson (Baghdad Hob) on Bengals.com before, having to turd polish Mike Brown's Bengals and be the eternal Bengals cheerleader, he has taken his skewed line of reasoning to astronomically absurd proportions.
According to Hobson, the Bengals have responded so well to being 0-8 (they still want to come to work!) that is shows how much more mature they are than in past years. If the Bengals were only this mature in 2005 and 2006 who knows what would have happened!
This idiotic argument doesn't even deserve a response. Any human who has normal brain functions (Steelers fans not included) can see through this line of reasoning.
What I want to focus on is how bad I feel for Hobson. Think about it. If he worked at a restaurant that poisoned its customers 18 times, Hobson's job would be to convince them they eat up for the 19th time. Hey, nothing has changed, but you know what they say, 19th time is a charm!
The level of pity I feel for Hobson is about what I feel when I see a three legged dog who can't get up the stairs to get a tennis ball. This is like when a fat kid is too fat to play on a teeter-totter.
Hobson - no one takes your articles seriously anymore, but we know you can't help it. Your job is to spin this shitty Bengals season. But here is a suggestion for you - when you are meeting with Mikey boy, tell him that Bengals fans don't want to hear about how great it is now. We want to hear that the Bengals organization sees the same thing we do - a total failure of a season. And we want to hear that the Bengals are determined to make changes that will ensure that this abomination of a season NEVER repeats itsself. And until that happens, prepare for Project Mayhem.
Going to a Halloween party this weekend? Taking the kids Trick-or-Treating? Having trouble coming up with a last minute Halloween costume? We already gave some costume ideas to the Bengal's management and players, now it's time to throw out some ideas to the disgruntled fans.
Let's make this clear. WDR is usually adamantly against grown ass men dressing up for Halloween*, but we have come up with some entirely appropriate and disgustingly scary costume ideas for you to consider for your Halloween weekend festivities.
Now we aren’t promoting any certain neighborhoods to go Trick-or-Treating, but we are pretty sure Mike Brown’s neighborhood (if not address) can be easily found with a quick Google search. Just sayin’. I heard he is handing out terrible draft picks this year (HEY OH!).
This year’s WDR Costume Guide Includes but is not limited to:
Continue reading "The Who Dey Revolution Halloween Costume Guide (For 'Fans')" »
Today typepad continued its reign of terror and decided to change our site's color scheme without any warning or reason. I blame Mike Brown. If only he had hired an IT guy to help us sort out our blogging difficulties instead of telling us to ask Hobson, we wouldn't have this lame blue link bullshit.
Also Mike Brown's fault:
Last week typepad wouldn't allow any new content to be loaded onto the site for a couple of days. Being the highly attentive and savvy bloggers everyone knows us to be, we didn't start asking each other about it for a couple days. Obviously Mike Brown should have let us know our site hadn't updated in the last 48 hours. Irresponsible piece of shit.
Hey Mikey, why can't you get the Reds an All Star Game in our run of the mill we spent too much on PBS so fuck you Reds stadium? Pittsburgh got to host one and their stadium is located in PITTSBURGH. Can't you tell Bud Selig to fuck off and die already or let us off the hook for worshipping the greatest baseball player/gambler/tax evader there ever was. God, I hate Bud Selig, will you please smite him with the same fury that you are reserving for Himes Ward in the near future. I can't wait to see what you have in store for Himes in the way of debilitating illnesses, crippling injuries, tragedy and misfortune. Hopefully you can orchestrate all of them in one fell swoop.
Last weekend I had to walk to the bar in the rain to watch the Buckeyes play. That might be the worst sin of all. You couldn't have a town car waiting for me outside the Wilson? What about one of Chad's whips? Or your '87 Buick Cutlasse? I had to walk in the rain. THE RAIN! Where is this insanity going to end?
What about the weather getting colder and the sun going down earlier? Seriously? You're really dropping the ball here. Where is Cincy's winter dome thing like the Simpsons Movie had. Only ours should have a realistic looking artificial sun piping fresh hot light down on us until 9:30 every night? Don't think I didn't notice Mikey.
Continue reading "Costumes for the Bengals This Halloween" »
No, this post will not focus on who would win a turd-bowl-to-end-all-turd-bowls between these two sorry franchises (fortunately the world will be spared from having to watch this disgusting matchup - thank you scheduling gods).
Rather it is to highlight that the example of Detroit will only take Cincinnati so far when it comes to trying to force change. For whatever reason (blackmail, knuckle-dragging, fear of admitting a mistake, perhaps even personal friendship) the Ford family was reluctant to fire the completely overwhelmed and incompetent Matt Millen for many years. Eventually the circumstances became so dire the Ford family took action. The incessant complaining of fans, the persistent losing, and the public embarrassment for the family crescendoed to a peak that could no longer be ignored. And changes were then made.
Well, those set of factors have been going on in Cincy for as long as I can remember. And look where that has gotten us. Nowhere.
17 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.348 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (97-181 in 17 seasons)
15-23 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
6 3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
