In a dream world, of course, Mike Brown would hold a press conference, apologize for 18 years of losing, step down as owner...and hand the team over to the editors of WhoDeyRevolution. We couldn't possibly be worse than the current ownership. However, in the wake of a miserable opening loss to the lowly Baltimore Ravens, I think the next person on the chopping block should be Offensive Coordinator Bob Bratkowski. Every year, the analysts drum up the same tired line about the Bengals' "high-powered" offense. But the statistics suggest otherwise.
May I remind the self-proclaimed experts (and you, if you've been napping), that we averaged 23.8 pts/game last year (11th overall), much of it coming in the shootout at Cleveland (worst defense in the league) and Miami, who went 1-15. If you take away those two games, our scoring average drops us to about 16th overall in the league--not exactly juggernauts. Not to mention our rushing average of 97.3 yds/game--a brilliant 24th in the league. No, the Bengals have not been a great offensive team since 2005, and it's time Coach Brat got the message. His playcalling has become laughably predictable and downright cowardly. 4th and 1 and driving for the tying score in the 4th quarter: let's telegraph the run by brining in an extra lineman after the Ravens held us to less than 2 yds per carry all afternoon. Brilliant.
Feel free to send your letter of resignation to us...or to perform ritualistic seppuku by stabbing yourself with your samurai blade. Comrade Simon will take his sword to your head to ensure a "clean, honorable" death.
There is nothing clean or honorable about this situation.
The reason why WDR exists is the cynicism that comes from the realization that after being a Bengals fan since I was but a boy that they are not going to change. They are not going to change for us to become something else. This team is a carson, chad, and tj away from being the teams of the 90's. And that is just pathetic.
And even good draft picks can't help a team that can't use them wisely or manage the personnel they have.
Yeah, I need to change - because the Bengals aren't going to change for me.
Rich from DC
Posted by: Rich | September 07, 2008 at 08:04 PM
I'm no football mastermind like Mike Brown and Marvin Lewis, but the offense is supposed to score more than the defense, right?
Posted by: Kenny Irons | September 07, 2008 at 08:27 PM
Unfucking believable. Just bring back Shula and get it over with. Didn't the Thrauts offer to buy the team years ago? Really, could things be worse?
Posted by: Scott Ricketts | September 07, 2008 at 09:00 PM
The pages and pages of shuffle passes need to be torn out of the playbook. That would be a good first step.
Posted by: Andrew Simon | September 07, 2008 at 09:25 PM
I love this site. It, sadly, is ahead of its time. A season of sold out PBS says as much.
Lewis is a pop psychology mess, he isn't effective in teaching, and is really just downright corny. If he wants his job he should be screaming in the face of every idiot on that O line.
Posted by: JBJBJB | September 07, 2008 at 10:46 PM
i've taken shits that can make better play calls than brat...how the hell has this numb-dick managed to coach in this league for so long? i say it's time to take to the streets and start this revolution...first victim, b. bratowski
Posted by: T. Rais | September 07, 2008 at 11:54 PM
The real scary thing is that when Marvin is walks away at the end of the season Mike Brown will probably make Bratkowski our new head coach. I wish I was joking but comrade Jason Buck, a wise man, assures me this is a distinct possibility.
Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | September 08, 2008 at 12:28 AM
Bienemy, the only positive that would come out of that is that Brat would be just about as effective as Marvin's been for the past two years and we'd have the added benefit of having Zampese take over the offensive playcalling.
Posted by: A Pragmatic Bengals FAn | September 08, 2008 at 12:38 AM
Yeah - Zampese calling plays was tossed around as an idea at the bar today. I have no idea if he is known to be more creative but he certainly couldn't be less. Regardless, Brat is supposed to be the biggest yes man in the Bengals organization, and there's no where to promote him up besides head coach. Yikes.
Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | September 08, 2008 at 01:07 AM
It doesnt matter who the coach is. Mike Brown won't give them the leadership, the free agents, the front office or the facilities to win. Every coach in the NFL knows this, so the Bengals won't be able to go out and get a good coach. And they'll ruin a diamond in the rough.
It will never change as long as we have this ownership.
Posted by: Akili Smith | September 08, 2008 at 08:42 AM
when is it ok for me to start rooting for another team?
Posted by: jjsmith35 | September 08, 2008 at 08:47 AM
When Mike brown sells the bengals and we relocate to London, England. Then we can root for the London whatever-thefucktheycallem.
Posted by: Daniel Venrick AKA the Danimal | December 25, 2008 at 01:27 AM