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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 07, 2008

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As I sit here and watch this pile of feces play, I would like to answer Winn's question positively, but I find it hard. 15 more games like this would be devistating. I was cautiously optimistic this morning, but now I find myself on the cliff that is depression. If only carson had the time in the pocket that Flacco has. "What Ifs" have gotten me through the past 2 decades and I find myself on the "what if" door step yet again this season. The biggest... "What if" Cincinnati had an owner that gave two shits about winning.

Bob Bratkowski should be fired before the plane ride home.

I never want to wish harm on someone but if there ever was such a thing as karma that i would love for it to land in mike brown's lap. I hate this man so damn much. I have not lived in Cincinnati for 5 years I live in florida and have defended the bengals time and time again and now I am at the lowest point that I have been since Baltimore blanked us in 01. Why can't the nfl step up and take this fucker out of the owner position in the NFL. It sucks so bad to be a bengals fan right now and it is never going to change.

I want to vomit.

I am now convinced that Mike Brown is not a functioning sexual being in the healthy sense of the words, but rather someone who, like a sadist, takes sexual pleasure in the pain of others, but it's been honed to be sexual pleasure at watching an entire region of Ohio in constant pain, and year after year, begging for more.

I advocate the kidnapping, torture, and painful death of Mike Brown. Or at least a waterboarding.

I'm not one to shit all over Cinci teams all the time for everything they do (like many Reds fans, it seems). Nevertheless, this was an embarassment today. Poor to nonexistent blocking, zero running game, and lackadaisacal defense (double reverse touchdown and Flacco 38 yard TD run... are you serious?!) led to a shitty, disgusting outcome. Awful.

I would like to give some credit to our defense, who did the best they could with the huge steaming bowl of crap left for them by the offense. A broken play, a gadget, and late fourth quarter exhaustion counted for a big portion of that horrible Ravens rush total.

That said, we looked scared, pathetic, unprepared, and downright French on offense. Bratkowski needs to go and Carson needs to be replaced with Fitzpatrick until the O-line realizes that the guys in the other uniforms are not new friends to escort back to meet their quarterback.

Pure, unadulterated bullshit.

"And how does Mike Brown go to bed every night knowing that he is wasting the career of the best quarterback in the history of the NFL?"

Really, I didn't know Joe Montana played for Cincinnati? Come on, Carson Palmer has a great arm and that's it. He has three pass plays - ten yard outs, 15 yards over the middle and deep passes. He can't scramble, he can't roll out and and he must want out of Cincinnati worse than Chad or T.J.

Have you ever seen the show the first 48? Its about homocide detectives in certain cities trying to uncover various murders in their respective area. Cincy is one of the 5 cities that are covered on the show and I am just waiting for some crazy shit to take out that human piece of apathy. Would it be so hard? Is M.B. a recluse? Obviously his portly ass must be munching on ribs at least twice a week at the Boathouse right? As soon as he steps out of his vehicle bam, sack over the head throw him in the van and hold him hostage until a g.m is guaranteed a 10 year contract. No way would they fire him since this tightwad is so cheap.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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