Mike Brown Makes The Wind, But Bengals Fans Cook Up Destruction

As Comrade Pellegrino stated yesterday, the Bengals organization blamed their OWN FANS for throwing paper pretzel wrappers, flimsy plastic beer cups, and mis-behaved children on to the playing field in 70 MPH winds on Sunday. 

I don't know many things, but I do know that intentionally throwing a paper pretzel wrapper onto the field in 70 MPH winds with hopes that it disrupts a football game is a more futile effort than the Bengals offense.

The public address announcement for fans to refrain from throwing things on the field (maybe they meant refrain from letting yourself get thrown on the field) drew a chorus of boos from the dozen people left in the stands.  That was the perfect nod to the TWO 12-men on the field penalties the Bengals drew in this game.  (Picture at left). 

After the game?  "Hey, let's not stop here!" Bengals fans said.  They went completely insane around Cincinnati.  Mike Brown conjured this wind storm to take the immediate heat off the Bengals in the press...so why can't we continue our destructive nature and tear up the city? 

And that's exactly what we did.

Bengals fans began snapping power lines and destroying transformers all over the city, knocking out power to 90% of the region.  C & D batteries going for hundreds of dollars a piece on eBay (those are selling under a handle of MB_NO_GM...weird).  The only ice you can find is the patch between Marvin Lewis and the press corps every week.

I swear I saw a furious 3-year old little girl in a Houshmandzadeh jersey rip an entire tree out of the ground and throw it on top of a Honda Element.  I'm not sure what she was more mad about...the Bengals or the fact that her parents drive a Honda Element.

The point is this...if it was the fans at fault for all the debris on the field this Sunday...then it's our fault that Cincinnati is under lock-down crisis mode right now. 

Now I'm going to take a shower.  A cold shower.

Comments

[Paul Brown]

After granting the Bengals fans awesome powers over nature last week, Paul Brown will now grant www.whodeyrevolution.com a 66-17 Bengals beatdown next week at the Meadowlands.

[Gabe]

Was that Honda Element in Clifton, on Ludlow Ave., in the Habinero parking lot? If so, sweet, if not - that 3 year old gets around!

[U Can't Stop the Guru]

I've got an awesome fucking idea, and I'm pretty sure this will fly, but all I know is that I'm surprised NOBODY's tried this before. Maybe you can explain this to me, but why not try 13 fucking men on D????????Sound crazy? Here's how it would work:

6-4 Defense

D-line:

Left End
Middle Left T
Left Nose T
Right Nose T
Middle Right T
Right End

LB'S:

Left Outside
Left Inside
Right Inside
Right Outside

2 stoned corners

1 chippy safety

The main thing is you've got to hide two of those guys on the front 10. Hide it from the refs, the opponent, and the opposing fans, and you're in.
Your lockstep fanbase and media drones WILL shut the fuck up about it. AHHHHH! Yes, I love power. I love power better than key, maverick insights.

Anyway, try to run on this shit: 6-4 D. Thoughts on 14, 15, or 16 man defenses are definitely open for discussion here too, because they could probably kick shit's ass as well.

[T Loth]

The reason that the PA announcer made the announcement telling the remaining crowd to stop throwing things on the field was because the referees stopped the game after the blocked punt to have PA announcer tell people to stop throwing things on the field as a beer bottle was thrown into the endzone after the blocked kick. The Bengals suck and their dwindling fans are drunken idiots.