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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 29, 2008

Fuck You Chris Berman

I've been avoiding the media talk for the last 30 hours, but I turned on Monday Night Football and it was halftime and Berman had to make a snide remark about the whole Bengals 0 win thing. Then the next segment he was asked about the Cowboys and he said they would have people open against the Bengals in week 5. He's so cool. I wish I could be a big ball of fat. When Ole Yeller was out of commission someone went out back and shot him in the face. When Berman went out of commission 13 years ago they gave him more spots to make bad jokes and look like a big tan bald bowling ball. If Chris Berman circled the wagons I would nuke the wagons. And then nuke it again to make sure any Berman cockroach offspring didn't survive. He makes me want to not live in a world where espn reigns supreme. If he was an ordinary guy, he would spend most of his time at the local coffee shop while people slowly avoided geting into conversations with him as he tried to talk about the latest heart murmer he had. When will the murmer become a rabble and his heart keels into itself. 

Posted by on September 29, 2008 at 10:32 PM in Free Speech, America |

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Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

You're with me... Leather!

Posted by: Who Che | September 30, 2008 at 09:06 AM

1: he's a gasbag 2: Nobody in the world cares what the Schwami thinks 3: he's the posterboy for catchphrase culture 4: He has sex with mulch

Posted by: Mike R | September 30, 2008 at 10:49 AM

He COULD
BE
ONE
FAT
FUCK!

Posted by: Rich | September 30, 2008 at 05:39 PM

The sad part is, he's right.

Posted by: Paul | October 01, 2008 at 02:03 PM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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