Bengals Fan ALMOST Has a Great Day - Part 1

Sunday September 21st

9 AM - Wake up after a long night out.  Head hurts but it's no big deal as I'm ALMOST not hungover.  I ALMOST get out of bed to take a shower and get the Sunday Times but instead fall back into an uncomfortable sleep.

11 AM - Wake up for good this time.  I ALMOST go to the gym to get some exercise but instead eat a combo of Rice Krispies and Cinnamon Toast Crunch in my boxers.  Not ALMOST this time...I went all the way on that shit.  Delicious.

1130 AM - Get done showering and ALMOST shaving.  Sly V gives me a ring to find out when I am planning to head to Phebe's to watch the Bengals game.  I ALMOST meet him in 15 minutes like we agreed but I end up being 10 minutes late after making some switches on my fantasy team's roster.  Gotta keep up the good mojo and get my lineup right as I look to build off of my ALMOST win last week 130-136.

1200 PM - Sit down at the table with Who Dey NYC & Co and ALMOST don't order a drink with alcohol but get a Bloody Mary.  The waitress ALMOST gets my drink right when she brings a Miller Lite.

1215 PM - Time to order some food.  ALMOST keep it healthy by ordering Skyline dip.  Good thing I ALMOST went to the gym earlier.  Choices like these keep me ALMOST in great shape.

1245 PM - ALMOST sober as kickoff is approaching.  The table is discussing their predictions for the game, everyone is ALMOST optimistic for a change.  The table goes awkwardly quiet as I ALMOST say something clever to make everyone laugh.  I am ALMOST hilarious.

115 PM - Kickoff bitches!  Shayne Graham ALMOST kicks it into the endzone, just like he ALMOST has taken a leadership role on this team.  The Giant offense ALMOST scores on the first drive and punts the ball away.

120 PM - First offensive play of the game was ALMOST well executed as Levi Jones ALMOST blocks Kiwanuka.  There is a crashing sound in the background as the bus boy ALMOST holds onto a tray of glasses which shatter across the floor.

122 PM - The Giants defense ALMOST jumps offsides as the Bengals get penalized for a 5 yard false start.  ALMOST another great start for the Bengals.   I head downstairs to use the bathroom after the punt and ALMOST wash my hands afterwards.

145 PM - Bengals ALMOST score a touchdown and lead 3-0.  Things are looking good.  ALMOST.  Can it continue...check back later when I ALMOST write parts 2 (and beyond).  In the meantime, Bengals fans, tell us some things you ALMOST did.

Comments

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

Just to beat everyone to it: This post was ALMOST funny.

[Chase F]

I almost, decided to not comment, but then I remembered, that Chase F doesn't do almost anything, half-assed. Commas bitches, they're like, a soothing waterfall, in the chaotic world, of punctuation,,,,

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I almost made a lot of money with my NFL picks this week. This month I plan to almost pay my credit card bill, and my balance will ALMOST stay the same. My credit rating will almost not go down, and that mortgage I plan on getting will almost be prime.

[Winn Parry]

I ALMOST got all of my studying done tonight, but instead I went to swill beers in OTR. I ALMOST took a break from chowing red meat after a brutal weekend, but decide to order a burger. I get home and ALMOST become a productive citizen again, but it is way too enjoyable to watch my fanto points skyrocket on Monday Night Football. Now I ALMOST got to bed for a decent night's sleep, but here I am writing a comment that is nowhere close to being funny.

[Who Che]

Winn... Don't discount your comment. It was ALMOST funny.