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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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August 23, 2008

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After watching our seemingly degenerative play last season, I remained optimistic.

Surely, Marvin would right the ship, right?

Surely, some day soon, that ferocious, swarming, Ravens-style defense would appear, snarling in stripes at PBS, right?

Surely, Rudi's pathetic rushing attempts last year were an aberration, an injury that just needed to heal, right?

Surely, Eric Ghiaciuc, with a full year under his belt, would hold his own against the beefed-up defensive interiors in our division, right?

Surely, we'd rid ourselves of the cancerous Chad Johnson to the unwitting Dan Snyder for a king's ransom, right?

Surely, we'd use one of those gets to move up in the draft to snag Sedrick Ellis, right?

Surely, if we got spanked by the Saints on that gambit, we'd use the solid but not spectacular Rivers along with the two big-eaters we drafted up front to augment a competent, with upside, secondary and have a something resembling a competent defense?

Surely, the supremely talented, if troubled, Odell Thurman and Ahmad Brooks would team with Keith Rivers to give us one of the most promising LBing corps in the league, right?

Surely, the signing of Antwan Odom and the return of a healthy pass rushing specialist in Eric Henderson would make opposing QBs quake, right?

Surely, with Carson and Chad and T.J. and a healthy Chris Perry and a franchised Stacy Andrews backed by Willie, supplemented by an actual threat at tight end, Utecht, a promising draftee lineman in Anthony Collins, we'd be nigh on unstoppable on offense, right?

Surely, with Simpson, Caldwell, and Dede Dorsey, we'd have the return game covered, right?

Call it Kool-Aid drinking. Call it the supreme denial of a desperate soul enmired in a love/hate relationship with his favorite team. Call it the nostalgia of a former D-I reserve who once dreamed of being Gary Burley or Coy Bacon or Reggie Williams. Call it whatever you like, everything's probably accurate- or was at one time. But, finally, call it over.

Laying an egg like the Bengals did tonight was the final straw. Colerain or X could have given the Saints a better game. Only we could make an all-pro out of a LB I'd never even heard of in Scott Shanley. Our first team O-Line couldn't protect our franchise QB from either the first or second team Saints defense. It was like they had never heard of a blitz or a stunt. The defense showed up every now and again but mainly benefited from some inept ball possession by the Saints scrubs. As of last week, Carson said it wasn't anything to worry about. It was just pre-season. Even tonight, T.J., while admitting it was awful seemed relatively unphased by the spectacle. Marvin's been deballed publicly by the retarded House of Brown and I'd be shocked if we won 3 games this season. That's enough. I've had it. I refuse to contribute to anything going into Mikey's pocket.

Due to my perpetual man-crush on Brett Favre, I am now a Jets fan.

I've changed my mind: 3-13.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! this football team sucks, always has sucked and always will suck. after 39 years of blind loyalty, i should actually THANK mikey "shitsuck" brown for re-signing chris henry, therefore allowing me to liberate myself from loving this perennial loser. i haven't yet decided who my new team is gonna be but i know for sure who i WON'T be rooting for this year or ever again. i still have a bit of a man-crush on carson and i hope he goes to a real football team someday and i will no longer get pleasure out of a picture that looks like he was just in a car accident. i hate this team, i hate this owner, i hate this coach. how does bob bratkowski keep his job? why does marvin lewis keep his? (i would have paid whatever penalty that was in the contract and walked after ol "shitsuck" re-signed everyone's favorite one man crime wave). enjoy another 3-13 or worse, bengals fans. i used to feel your pain and frustration but all that negativity has turned to joy with my new found freedom. the joy comes from seeing the softest, most mismanaged team in the history of the greatest sport on earth get EXACTLY WHAT THEY DESERVE. who dey? just about anybody, fellas. i've said it before on this forum and i'll say it at the end of every bitter, bengal bashing post...........FUCK YOU CINCINNATI BENGALS!!!!!

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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