As training camp gets into full swing, Mike Zimmer has taken a different approach than Chucky Breshnahan's sideline sudoku playing. It might not matter though with Mike Brown gloriously leading our player personnel decisions into the abyss.
As Comrade Parry put it, it's like Mike Brown started a Nascar racing team with Zimmer and Marvin as the drivers, but he bought them ford pinto's instead of racing automobiles.
Here is the transcript of his practice yesterday.
"Boys, if I see one more of you with your hands on your knees gasping for air like's its a sweet honeytrap I'm gonna puke. I'M GONNA RUB TINACTIN IN YOUR EYES IF YOU DON"T STAND UP!"
"What was that Dexter Jackson? Are you just gonna drop three steps and stand there while your guy runs right past you? How have you made it this far in life son! I don't care if little miss Rich Gannon threw you 6 interceptions. THAT WAS 100 FUCKING YEARS AGO SON. What have you been doing all summer? Tweedling your ding dong and smokin the grass? OUR LORD IN SAVIOR DAVID FULCHER YOU GUYS SUCK!"
"Poko Pako, whatever your name is. That's the third time you've gotten pancaked today SON. This ain't a fucking breakfast jamboree. AND CUT YOUR HAIR. YOU DRAFT DODGING HIPPIE DIPPIE PIECE OF FLOURESCENT SNAPPER!"
"Good play Rivers. Oh Right, HE AIN'T HERE. MIKEY BROWN IS RUBBING MY NUTTERBUTTERED NOSE IN A PILE OF SCABIES COVERED COW CHIPS! GODDAMNIT! Where's my bottle of King's Age? 10 minute timeout while I get good and sauced and try to forget about how much money we pay Pako but we can't get our best defensive player into camp."
"DHANI. I'M NOT LEADING NO SUNDAY STROLL IN THE FINGERBLASTING PARK CHOIR HERE! Take your bowties and go impale yourself on your deseated bicycle you CITY SLICKERED CIRCLEJERK! I'm just kidding, I like you Dhani. You're cool. You got any bowties in black and orange? No. You should rethink that."
"Gather around girls. For every week this kind of play continues into the season I am going to cut off one of Marvin White's toes. He's already missing one. Because I will be GODDAMNED if we're beating the IRON CITY ASSGRAPPLERS by 3 in the fourth quarter and we can't put Roethslinger's dick in the dirt. You chumps are professionals and you will goddamn play like professionals before I'm done with you. Oh and Dexter "Moist Vaginal Pocket" Jackson, you're cut son."
Comments