In the next few weeks, Bengals fans will be receiving their 2008 season tickets in the mail. Every year, I hope to find them accompanied by the following letter:
Dear Bengals Season Ticket Holder:
As Owner and President of the Cincinnati Bengals, I would like to sincerely thank you for renewing your commitment to our team for the 2008 season. Our top priority is to put a consistent winner on the field to represent this organization, the City of Cincinnati, and our loyal fans.
The 2007 season was a disappointment for all of us. Our expectations are much higher, and we know that our fans are hungry for long-term, sustained success that produces Super Bowl Championships. Rest assured, we are doing everything in our power to make this dream a reality.
In the off-season, we addressed our defensive unit by signing defensive end Antwan Odom and drafting linebacker Keith Rivers in the first round. I am sure that our new defensive coordinator, Mike Zimmer, will infuse a whole new energy on defense.
On offense, Carson Palmer has a healthy offensive line to protect him and numerous weapons in the running and passing game to put pressure on opposing defenses all season long. Securing offensive tackle Stacy Andrews and signing tight end Ben Utecht will be key components to our more balanced offense this year.
Most importantly, we have eliminated personnel that were detrimental to our franchise...both on and off the field. Going forward, we will not tolerate, nor risk our future on players who have demonstrated a pattern of anti-social behavior. In short, we have forfeited the right to take chances with players of questionable character. I hope this re-affirms our vision to win with the right players, not necessarily the best players in terms of raw talent.
We know that Bengals fans are truly the best in the NFL, and we recognize your long-standing loyalty to this franchise. I realize we have not made this an easy commitment in years past, but I am confident you will be richly rewarded in the very near future.
Thank you again for your steadfast support, and I look forward to a special 2008 season.
Sincerely,
Mike Brown
Bengals Owner and President
Now of course, this letter will not be found your season ticket envelope. In fact, most of this letter was modeled after the letter Bob Castellini of the Cincinnati Reds sent out in March of 2008 to all season ticket holders. While the Reds are still fighting towards .500, you can see their vision for the future...they have a plan. The Reds want to win, and they want to win now. The Bengals? It's hard to say. I do believe they want to win, but not if that means relinquishing power to additional scouts and a General Manager. The Bengals (run by a family of lawyers) have a defined way of operating their business. In the 17 years since Paul Brown has died, one can easily see the results of their 'vision'. No punchline needed, just take a look at the facts.
One of Einstein's best quotes: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Something to consider...
No, there won't be a letter from Mike Brown in our season-ticket stockings this year. Instead, you'll find a coupon for 30% off of the crap no one wants to buy red-tagged items in the pro-shop.
It expires 8/15/08...better get a move on.
(What would you include in your letter to Bengals fans if you were Mike Brown? Make sure to comment below and be heard among the growing members of the Who Dey Revolution!)
I would like them so say, "Reading the Who Dey Revolution" has opened our eyes to our own ignorance. Super Bowl or Bust."
Posted by: Andrew Simon | July 21, 2008 at 09:02 AM
I would add in there that no expenses would be spared in our fervent pursuit of winning an NFL championship...
Posted by: Winn Parry | July 21, 2008 at 09:05 AM
At the end of the letter -
The postage for this envelope was added into the bill for the tickets.
PS - As a native Clevelander, fuck you Cincinnatian.
Your asshole,
Mikey Brown
Posted by: Paul Katz | July 21, 2008 at 10:27 AM